So sick...

Lately, I've been feeling so sick. I can't focus on my work. I can't find fulfillment in what I am doing. Fulfillment is something I have been struggling to find in this workplace. I used to think that finally being in the position that I am in is but one step below the peak of an accountant's career... this used to be my dream, or at least this is next to my ultimate dream. Dreams do come true... it did... and it happened so fast... so early.

But this is not the way I imagined it to be. The reality behind the prestige is a multitude of disappointments and frustrations. I was welcomed in the corporate world by competent persons, got exposed to challenges and competitions, and was very happy about it. I yearned for more... and it was given to me. But it came to me as a big surprise when when I looked around and found that no one is beside me. No one is there to lift me up, or at least give me a good fight so I could lift myself up. I thought I was climbing up, but then I came to realize that the road I'm walking on is flat and deserted. I went on, believing that somewhere ahead, another mountain would be there for me to climb. But instead.... I reached the dead end. I am going nowhere. What's next? Nothing.

Now I'm moving out. I have to take a few steps back to be able to get out of this dead end. I will return to the crossroads where I had already been, but this time, to choose another new path... Once again I will learn how to conform... then carve my own niche... and make a difference. I will have to go through what I call the "normal process", wherein everything shall happen gradually, and not as steadfast as the way things happened to me here. I will learn the movements step-by-step, and I will learn it with my heart, so that I could dance gracefully...

I really don't know how to wrap up these thoughts. Perhaps this is meant to be left this way... because this is not meant to be ended. It is a continuation of my pursuits for the realization of my dreams... I will walk through a new road with God beside me... and I will make it. I can make a difference...