Dating and Eavesdropping

(3 babae, nag-uusap sa CR habang nagre-retouch ako. Medyo ni-rephrase ko na kasi di ko na matandaan ung sakto. Sorry naman, walang recorder. =p)

B1: Saan ba ang lakad mo?

B2: Me imi-meet ako.

B1: Sino?

B3: Date?

B2: Friend ko, pero ung isa me gusto daw sa 'kin.

(Haba ng hair mo 'te!)

B1: Paalis ka na? Sabay na ako.

B2: Oo, pero 6pm pa kami magkikita.

B1: Ay, wag ka muna pumunta. Dating 101: bawal mauna ang babae.

B2: Mall muna ako. At saka hindi date yun. Walang malisya yun. Kakain lang kami.

B3: E paano magkakaroon ng malisya kung me kasama kayong iba? Diskartehan mo. Magkunwari kang me lakad na marami kayo tapos in-indian ka ng iba nyong kasama. Tapos umarte kang gustong gusto mo pa naman manood ng sine at kumain. Pag kayong dalawa na lang, magkaka-malisya yun. Magiging boyfriend mo yun.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Super Inday in Distress

I am a superhero.

It's not because I can fly, read minds, or be invisible. My hands can't produce flames. My eyes can't fire at anything I wish to destroy by just looking at it. I can't "teleport".

But I'm strong. I'm strong in everything that is not physical. I am everything but ordinary. Why do I think so? Because other people do. They think I have a mind that can't commit mistakes, a heart that can't get hurt, a spirit that cannot be shaken. I can do anything I want to do, get anything I desire to have, and be everything I wish to become. 

People always think I'm OK. Yes, I could get into trouble and at times be wounded, but who cares? In a while I'll just stand up and smile as if nothing happened, as if my body can regenerate and heal on its own. I show them my scars, I tell them my woes... but the standard answer I get is "kaya mo yan." I have already gotten used to that. Experience compelled me.

My greatest fear is not to be defeated, but to disappoint people because I got defeated. I hide my weakness inside my strong suit called poise. Sometimes I want to take that suit off, but no one would believe what they would see. So I just walk around as if everything is fine... actually, great. Mediocrity should not be part of my system, because I am not ordinary.

But I am. Please.

When I was born I was not given the gift of controlling my emotions, though I wish some extraordinary force could give me that power. If there's a school where I could learn how to do it, I would get myself enrolled before going to law school. Neither can I keep my tears from falling whenever I feel they're about to flow. My vision gets blurred when I cry. When I can't see clearly, I also need another superhero to guide me. Very seldom does someone come for me. They are busy saving other people who are more in need of their powers. Why would I be put in the list? They think I'm just another superhero trying to escape my responsibility by playing the damsel in distress.

So I stand up, wipe my tears, brush the dirt off my face, maybe put on some makeup, grab my sword and get back to the battle... alone.

Reflection from a Failed Recitation

Disclosure is the rule; secrecy is merely an exception.

That was the correct answer to my professor's question this morning, an answer I was not able to give. Several minutes after, just before I got out of our room for lunch break, my professor asked me if there was something wrong with me. He observed my lack of focus, and told me to recompose myself, for he expects a lot more from me. "Hindi ikaw yan", he said.

After the class, I confronted myself with my professor's words. Yes, he was right when he told me that the student sitting in my chair is not the real me. But this time I'm no longer speaking of my pathetic, my-goodness-where-have-you-been-all-along, performance during the recitation. Here is someone who has become a stranger to her own self.

I used to be the free-spirited, liberal-minded little girl who has gone through a do-it-yourself journey to maturity. No one dictated how I should move, what I should look like, who should I talk to, and how I should live my life. Yes, even my parents trusted me enough to shape my own future. I like how I have become after all the ups and downs of dealing with my decisions. 

That was then, until trouble hit me when I started to confuse "compromise" with "surrender".  I traded my individuality for comfort. Knowing that someone else is there to rearrange and manage my existence became my idea of happiness.  But when I looked inside me, I saw someone I don't know... someone I don't like. 

I can decide to just love the new person I have become, but I won't because I will only get weary and end up hating myself. I can't live my life not being me. The person I used to be - the real me - is just hiding in one corner, ready and dying to bounce back. I can't keep her a secret and suffer forever. Disclosure is the rule.

I'll do what my professor told me... to recompose myself. I know that once I have done so, everything will go back to its proper place.

(And maybe I'd be able to hit the "A" in my next recitation.)