Move on!

Written during my review for the CPA board (if my memory serves me right)...

Here I am again, playing with the keys of my computer, trying to think of the right words to define what’s in my mind. I’m staring at the screen, hoping that the answers to all my questions would just come out. But all I see is a blank sheet, waiting for me to put something in it. And inside me is nothing but abstract thoughts...

Minutes went on, and those shattered pieces of my ideas began to form a vivid image of the man I’m trying so hard not to think of, but is insisting to stay in my head. That man is you. So I realized that it isn’t my brain, but my heart, that speaks within me. My mind knows who I should think of, and it’s certainly not you, for reasons we both know. It is my heart that doesn’t welcome any reason. It only feels for you.

That budding feeling inside me has grown into its full blossom. You used to be on my mind in my quiet moments. But now, I think of you in even the noisiest time of the day. I no longer miss you in solitude, for in those moments, I just close my eyes and I’m with you. Taking a glimpse of your smile in your photograph is enough to keep me going whenever I feel like giving up. I finally found the perfect words to define this feeling. What else could this be, but Love?

If this is just a dream, then this is the most wonderful dream I ever had. So please don’t wake me up yet. I’m not yet ready to see beyond this fantasy. You might not be there when I wake up. Spare me this moment to experience how it is to be loved by you. Give me this chance to know you better, to set the dove in my heart free. Perhaps, by going through this dream, I could have the strength to step back to reality, and find the one who’s really meant for me. If it would be you, then nothing could be more wonderful than to live my dream. But if not, memories of you should be enough for me to go on.

Forgive me for not being brave enough to fight for my feelings. I can’t trade my future for this short moment of bliss. I’m still unsure where my real happiness is. If it’s in you, please show me. If you’re the right one, please fight for me, and if you would win, please take care of me. To regret is the last thing I would ever want to do.

I don’t know where tomorrow will lead me. So if this is my last chance, I opt to take it. I’d rather tell you how I feel at this very moment, than be sorry for myself if this chance would not come again.

I LOVE YOU.