A Blessed 2010!

As part of my New Year's Resolutions, which I hope I'd be able to sustain for the entire 2010, I decided to read one email from Bo Sanchez each day. I have more than a hundred unread newsletters, and I have always intended to read them all. Believe me! I chose the most recent and the most relevant email, entitled Believe That You'll Have a Super Blessed Year . I hope this is gonna be a good start.

I loved the part where Bo mentioned about an experiment scientists performed on mice. Read first before you judge me to be cruel to animals. (Swimming in the Dark Isn't Fun) The result of the experiment is reflective of the way people handle trials and difficulties. If there is total darkness, we tend to give up. But if we see even a speck of light, we fight. When I experience blackouts, I always look for light, even the tiniest of it. If I don't see one, I just stay where I am and wait for electricity to get fixed. I get weak. I call it "visual suffocation". But when I see a small bright spot, I feel more secure, and I try to look for a flashlight, or a candle and match, or someone in the room with whom I can just sit and happily chat in darkness. This is also true in the more serious stuff of facing life's trials. I strive because there is something good to hold on to. But if I know that my efforts would be futile, I quit.

Two days ago, I opened my 2010 planner and started to plan my year. There's a space where I can put my goals for the year. Two things I had in mind, among others, are: (1) to improve my grades, and (2) to allocate a sum of money out of my monthly allowance for something. I didn't write them on the blank sheet because I didn't want to get disappointed. I didn't want to look back at the end of the year and realize that I failed.

I went to school yesterday and saw two sparks of light. First, I received my latest grades. I was shaking when I handed my claim stub to the the lady at the records section. I was praying for the best, but I taught myself to lower my expectations. I felt I didn't perform well in the finals, and so I was prepared to receive merely passing grades. I was shocked and speechless for a couple of seconds when the print-out was given to me. I didn't get what I expected... I got what I hoped and prayed for! When I was still working, I struggled against my poor health condition, and I almost didn't have time to study. I was depressed, and I started convincing myself that as long as I don't fail in any subject, I should be OK in getting so-so grades. Then I was forced to sacrifice my work so that, in my mom's words, "you'll still be alive when you become a lawyer". I went back to being a jobless student, asking for monthly allowance and tuition fee from my parents. I told them I'll do my best to deserve their support, but deep inside I didn't believe in myself. Now, this is my redemption! I wanted to call Nanay right there and then, and tell her, "Hey! Your daughter is doing something right!" I didn't, of course, for Nanay would just tell me, "dapat lang" in her own humorous way. I just said a little prayer, thanking God for giving me a chance to make my life in school better. Now, I feel that I'm ready to get even better grades this term. My first spark of hope for the new year is an invitation to excellence. It's never too late to reclaim my pride! I still have doubts, but they have become too small against my great hope. I'll study harder and pray for even better results. So help me, God.

I saw the second spark of hope at the next door. I inquired about my long overdue "employment". There were uncertainties last month, and I was not sure if I really wanted to accept the "job". But it was finalized yesterday when Sir Bubut called me to his office. Today, I officially started working as a... I really don't know how I should call this job. I am assigned to manage this approximately 4x7 meters ALAS office. I shall keep an inventory of some 20-30 books for the exclusive use of our organization. This is a mini library, so I'll call myself a mini librarian. =p Thanks to my planner, I realized I needed to get a regular income, and so saying yes became easier. Now I can breathe more peacefully, and eventually, I'll be able to tell Nanay that she doesn't have to give me a monthly allowance, or at least she can just give me 50% of it. Hehe...

When I got home, the first thing I did was to open my planner, and with a hopeful spirit, I wrote down those two goals for 2010. I feel blessed! To God be the Glory!

Let Peace Begin with Justice

My mind is so occupied by news about the Ampatuan massacre. I've known even before that Maguindanao is an election hotspot, but it was only now that I really got the idea of how chaotic politics in Maguindanao is.

The victims were civilians who fearlessly tried to exercise democracy. Some sought it by deciding to file their certificates of candidacy for public office. I'm pretty sure there had been warnings and threats surrounding their plan to run against the ruling family, but still they made their way to the COMELEC office, peaceful and armless. The others were journalists who were supposed to be enjoying press freedom. They could have brought us news that would bring hope to everyone. It was found out later on that other victims were not even included in the convoy but were merely passers-by. The people who are mandated by law to protect them mercilessly took their lives.

I suddenly remembered the song "Let There be Peace on Earth", which I learned when I was in Grade 2. It speaks of one's desire to live in peace with the rest of the world, which goes with a vow for it to begin with him. I found myself crying and asking myself how will I ever possibly be powerful enough to bring peace to the world? I feel hopeless, helpless and inutile.

As long as there are people who cling on to their power by selling their souls to the devil, peace will remain a dream and a total impossibility. But if dreaming is the only thing I can do, then I shall keep on doing so. I shouldn't lose hope that democracy still works. We have to make it work, the same way as the victims themselves tried. Never will I stop believing that no matter how big the evils surrounding us are, we have a bigger God who will never abandon us.

I hope and pray that justice be served to the victims of the Ampatuan massacre... before I totally lose my will to dream.