Pequeñas Voz... Grandes Pensamientos...

Dating and Eavesdropping

2011-02-06T16:43:00.000+08:00

(3 babae, nag-uusap sa CR habang nagre-retouch ako. Medyo ni-rephrase ko na kasi di ko na matandaan ung sakto. Sorry naman, walang recorder. =p)

B1: Saan ba ang lakad mo?

B2: Me imi-meet ako.

B1: Sino?

B3: Date?

B2: Friend ko, pero ung isa me gusto daw sa 'kin.

(Haba ng hair mo 'te!)

B1: Paalis ka na? Sabay na ako.

B2: Oo, pero 6pm pa kami magkikita.

B1: Ay, wag ka muna pumunta. Dating 101: bawal mauna ang babae.

B2: Mall muna ako. At saka hindi date yun. Walang malisya yun. Kakain lang kami.

B3: E paano magkakaroon ng malisya kung me kasama kayong iba? Diskartehan mo. Magkunwari kang me lakad na marami kayo tapos in-indian ka ng iba nyong kasama. Tapos umarte kang gustong gusto mo pa naman manood ng sine at kumain. Pag kayong dalawa na lang, magkaka-malisya yun. Magiging boyfriend mo yun.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Super Inday in Distress

2011-02-06T13:00:00.001+08:00

I am a superhero.

It's not because I can fly, read minds, or be invisible. My hands can't produce flames. My eyes can't fire at anything I wish to destroy by just looking at it. I can't "teleport".

But I'm strong. I'm strong in everything that is not physical. I am everything but ordinary. Why do I think so? Because other people do. They think I have a mind that can't commit mistakes, a heart that can't get hurt, a spirit that cannot be shaken. I can do anything I want to do, get anything I desire to have, and be everything I wish to become.

People always think I'm OK. Yes, I could get into trouble and at times be wounded, but who cares? In a while I'll just stand up and smile as if nothing happened, as if my body can regenerate and heal on its own. I show them my scars, I tell them my woes... but the standard answer I get is "kaya mo yan." I have already gotten used to that. Experience compelled me.

My greatest fear is not to be defeated, but to disappoint people because I got defeated. I hide my weakness inside my strong suit called poise. Sometimes I want to take that suit off, but no one would believe what they would see. So I just walk around as if everything is fine... actually, great. Mediocrity should not be part of my system, because I am not ordinary.

But I am. Please.

When I was born I was not given the gift of controlling my emotions, though I wish some extraordinary force could give me that power. If there's a school where I could learn how to do it, I would get myself enrolled before going to law school. Neither can I keep my tears from falling whenever I feel they're about to flow. My vision gets blurred when I cry. When I can't see clearly, I also need another superhero to guide me. Very seldom does someone come for me. They are busy saving other people who are more in need of their powers. Why would I be put in the list? They think I'm just another superhero trying to escape my responsibility by playing the damsel in distress.

So I stand up, wipe my tears, brush the dirt off my face, maybe put on some makeup, grab my sword and get back to the battle... alone.

Reflection from a Failed Recitation

2011-01-17T02:13:00.004+08:00

Disclosure is the rule; secrecy is merely an exception.

That was the correct answer to my professor's question this morning, an answer I was not able to give. Several minutes after, just before I got out of our room for lunch break, my professor asked me if there was something wrong with me. He observed my lack of focus, and told me to recompose myself, for he expects a lot more from me. "Hindi ikaw yan", he said.

After the class, I confronted myself with my professor's words. Yes, he was right when he told me that the student sitting in my chair is not the real me. But this time I'm no longer speaking of my pathetic, my-goodness-where-have-you-been-all-along, performance during the recitation. Here is someone who has become a stranger to her own self.

I used to be the free-spirited, liberal-minded little girl who has gone through a do-it-yourself journey to maturity. No one dictated how I should move, what I should look like, who should I talk to, and how I should live my life. Yes, even my parents trusted me enough to shape my own future. I like how I have become after all the ups and downs of dealing with my decisions.

That was then, until trouble hit me when I started to confuse "compromise" with "surrender". I traded my individuality for comfort. Knowing that someone else is there to rearrange and manage my existence became my idea of happiness. But when I looked inside me, I saw someone I don't know... someone I don't like.

I can decide to just love the new person I have become, but I won't because I will only get weary and end up hating myself. I can't live my life not being me. The person I used to be - the real me - is just hiding in one corner, ready and dying to bounce back. I can't keep her a secret and suffer forever. Disclosure is the rule.

I'll do what my professor told me... to recompose myself. I know that once I have done so, everything will go back to its proper place.

(And maybe I'd be able to hit the "A" in my next recitation.)

My Memory Box

2010-11-02T12:47:00.000+08:00

Out of nothing to do on the last day of my vacation in my hometown, I thought of searching of my memory box, where I kept the letters, cards and other stuff from Elementary to College. They are no longer complete, though. Sometime ago, I was forced to destroy many letters. Forget it. I still have some stuff which I mean to keep for life. =)

Here's my memory box and the stuff therein.

*******

This is the greeting poster from my SCA Family on my 13th birthday.

*******

This one is from my PMT co-officers, on my 16th birthday. I saw this posted on the wall behind my table at the PMT office when I went back to school after taking the UPCAT.

*******

I kept a few gift cards. I wonder how many of them I would have now if I kept everything.

*******

If you haven't experienced filling up a slum note/autograph notebook, you were never a young girl.

*******

These are from my friends. Do I have anything here that came from you? Some are missing and I have to find them. Hay.. =(

*******

These are from my friends in Elementary School. Our group's name was LEA M KIM, which name came from the first letters of our names: Leyden, Eden, Arra, Minerva, Kaye, Irish and Maylene. The oldest of these is the brown card at the center. They gave it to me on my 11th birthday.

*******

I was a delegate during the 2nd SCA Diocesan Conference. The other delegates wrote their messages for me in this notebook. I'm still connected with some of them.

*******

These are love letters. Haha! They were from people who did not become my boyfriends. The letters from those who did are already gone. Those are the ones I was forced to destroy. That's why I don't mind. =p The large photo on the left is, I think, the first love letter I received. Hahaha!

*******

Almost half of my memory box are occupied by letters from my friends in SCA Gumaca: Joenabie, Joenathan, Mitch and Grace. Most of them are from Joenabie. We shared stories about school, crushes, troubles, etc. Joe, I have your entire high school life recorded. =p

*******

I was also kept informed about what's happening with SCA Guinayangan through Jessica.

*******

The 10 CGs (now Mongoloids) of St. Peter School of Calauag were in constant communication with us, the girls of PUP Lopez, for reasons known to many people. Hehe... These are their letters to us. Cheesy, huh?

*******

These are also from 10CG, addressed only to me. I keep their secrets untold... but documented. Woot woot!

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These are from my High School classmates (except for one, that's from Ate Joya of Bicol, whom I met during the GSP Southern Tagalog Junior Journalists Guild Workshop in 1998).

*******

Budz (Zaira) told me to keep this. I did. =)

*******

When I went to Manila for College, I exchanged a few letters from my friends who stayed in Quezon. That was until telecom companies put up cell sites in Lopez.

*******

Even when there's internet all around, I still received a few traditional cards and notes from my college classmates. That's a whole lot sweeter than a thousand e-mails.

*******

These are from Jologz. When there were only 3 of us in Manila (me, Louie and Mitch) and one of us goes home, those who were in Lopez would send notes. I love my BFFs!

*******

During the send-off program of SCA for us, I was awarded Miss Pakipot and Miss Photogenic. I didn't know I was "pakipot" then... but the other award needs no further questioning. =p

*******

I also found these materials from QueMarLaBaRo (Quezon, Marinduque, Laguna, Batangas, Mindoro) Jubilee Youth Camp.

*******

I have lots of other old stuff here, but I still have to find my second memory box.

Balik-Tanaw

2010-11-01T09:33:00.001+08:00

This is the material for the Balik-Tanaw portion of our program during our high school reunion. I couldn't come up with anything when I tried to write it a week ago. I started writing the midnight before the big day. It's really true that the stream of ideas flow smoothly when you cram. =p

I. School Activities

June 1996, the students that would be one of the best batches of PUP LHS metin one class for the first time. Most of us had academic honors in Grade Schoolto be proud about. Some were loud,some were quiet… Some were serious, some were playing it cool… But one thing is common ineveryone… one undeniable thing… we are all good-looking.

As days, weeks, months and years passedby, we developed a strong friendship, both in our respective groups such as Amigas, MC, Tropang T, SAPPI,Unicorn, etc., or in our class as awhole. There were conflicts and misunderstandings, but those things amount tonothing compared to the countless happy memories we have shared. We arestrongly bonded, and staying in one section helped a lot. Some were bullies,some seemed passive, but this, guys have to admit… you were in love withUnicorn.

Let me walk you back to the not-so-distantpast… when we were in high school. I shall go through the most memorable schoolactivities we had in PUP.

a. MousikeFestival

Naaalala nyo ba ung unang Music Festnatin? Nahihiya pa tayo magpresenta nung nagpipilian ng mga sasali. Pero nungnagsimula na ang mga rehearsals kina Ma’am Del, F na F naman pala. In fairness,maraming pwedeng singers! Nakabuo tayo ng choir.Me interpretative dance na, me ballroom dance pa. At syempre, anggrupo namin na nagwagi ng major major at di na mapigil ang kasikatan simulanoon… ang Quartet!

Music fest naman ng 2^nd year… Naaalalanyo pa ba ung pinagtulong-tulungan nating i-compose na kanta? Ako, Ikaw, Tayo. Kaya siguro di tayonanalo, kasi Ako, Ikaw, Tayo lang… di kasama ung judges. Me Mambo #5 pa! At sino ang makakalimot saentry natin sa Tunog-Tao?

The following year… salamat sa winning duet na “Christmas in our Hearts”,kahit paano me 1^st place tayo. Kaloka lang.

b. COED Camp

Dito nauso ung skit sa campfire na me nagna-narrate taposinaarte ng actors ung mga sinasabi nya. Tapos ang ginagawa ng mga narrators,ginagago nila. Dito rin natin ini-imagine na nasusunog ang buong campus habangkumakanta ng “Campus burning, campusburning… no classes, no classes…” Gaano katagal kayong nagtaka kung paanonagagawa ng apoy na mag-travel mula sa 3^rd floor papunta sa bonfire?Akalain nyong nalalakad natin ang buong zigzagroad tapos deretso tayo sa Tumagay?Wala namang nadedo sa ‘tin dahil jan. Buti naman.

c. English classactivities

Unang beses tayo nagpakitang-gilas sapag-recite ng “I am a Filipino”,pero hindi ko ma-gets kung bakit me narinig akong “I am a Felefeno, born of thedistant fast, hostess to an uncertain future”. Dahu ito?

Is there a fire? Lahat tayonagkatawang-squatter for Oli Impan.Natatandaan nyo pa ba kung sino ang partner nyo dun?

Me declamationcontest din, at natatandaan nyo pa ba ung dinivide tayo into groups tapos inact-outnatin ung short stories sa booknatin? Sa amin noon ung The Lottery Ticket, pero di ko na maalala kung sinogroupmates ko.

d. FoundationWeek

Maraming gimik kapag foundation week, perothe best ang dedication booth. Dahilsa dedication booth na yan nagkaroon ako ng boyfriend 2 days pagkatapos komarinig ung song ng 911. Sino pa ba angme love story kung saan naging instrument ang booth na ito?

e. Intrams

Wala ako masyadong maalala sa intrams kasihindi ako active dito. Ang naaalala ko lang, dito na-showcase ang talent niRodjerry sa pagde-design ng t-shirts.Naging champion ba tayo? Me nag-MVP ba? Basta kami ay fans ni “Papa-pa-shoot-shoot-shoot!”

f. SabayangPagbigkas

And God said, “Let there be light”. Galing ba sa classnatin ang winner dito?

Sa “KaninongAnak Ito” naman, alam ko kung sino ang winner dun… KAMI! Sa rehearsalnaming kina Balls, nag-walk out pa si Kuya Lala kasi tinago naming ung tsinelasnya. And I wonder… kaya pa kayang i-recite ni Sherwin ung sariling version nyang “di ka salat, ngunit ako’y nagpalaboy, nagpalimos”? I’d like to know thestories of other groups.

At syempre ang paborito ng lahat… Setyembre 14, 1900… Alam nyo pa ba angpangalan ng parents ni Don Gregorio C. Yumul? Florentino Yumul at Lorenza Anodaw ang ibig sabihin ng Gregorio? Matalino, maginoo at maprinsipyo.

g. SAVER/PMT

Iba-iba ang trip natin dito. Me nag-PMT officer, me nag-SAVER, me kadete… Maraming nakakabaliwna pangyayari sa PMT. Ayoko lang ikwento kasi ayoko ng gulo. Sa SAVER siguromarami din.

With that, I can reaffirm to myself, andI’m sure kayo din, that our years in PUP LHS had been a perfect mix of ups anddowns, serious and crazy moments, and the clever and dumb asses that we were.

III. Spoofs, Bloopers and other Funny Moments (Guesswhat?)

1. Nangyari ito nung 1^st year underSir Beng. Ang me kagagawan nito ay nabinyagan ng pangalan hango sa bagay naginamit nya para i-bully ang isa pa nating classmate. Anong bagay ito?

BATO

2. Tungkol saan ang choice piece natin saTunog-Tao nung Music Fest 1997?

SINGSING

3. Ano ang tawag sa cheating tool kung saan bagopa man magtanong ay may nakahanda ng sagot?

READY-MADE EXAM

4. Sino ang kawawang napagbuntunan ng galit niWeng noong president natin sya at maingay ang buong klase?

JONEL

5. Ano ang tawag sa mala-BINGO na laro natin saChemistry class?

SYMBO

6. Ginagamitan ito ng bills o perang papel.Importante dito ang serial number.

DIGIT

7. Ipinagbawal ito noong 4^th yearkasi nakukulele ang mga teachers kapag pinuputok natin ito ng paloob sa bibig.

BUBBLE GUM

8. Sa subject na ito, isang sheet of paper langang ginagamit natin sa lahat ng quizzes natin sa isang buong grading period.

ENGLISH

9. Ang pangalan ng isang grupo sa klase natin aygaling sa sayaw na ito.

MAGIC CARPET

10. Ang larong ito ay ginagamitan ng 2 pinggan.Importante ang lookout para hindi mahuli ng teachers.

DICE

II. Love Tales (Matching Game)

Mechanics:

1. 2 groups with 5 members each

2. Names are arranged alphabetically. Rearrangethem according to love teams

3. Time limit: 2 minutes

4. The group with more correct matches wins

5. Criteria for the correct loveteam: truth andtime, as determined by the organizing team; determining point is high schoolyears

Disclaimer:

Kung di nyo yan nakwento sa mga asawa/jowanyo, di na namin kasalanan yun. Hehe…

Correct matches:

-Sherwin-Adora

-Daniel-Vivian

-Rodjerry-Zaira

-Vacio-Sharon

-Leo-Eden

-Louie-Rexie

-Gerry-Anna

-Augen-Cath

-Lala-Adette

-Meyrick-Julie Ann

Nuisances (mga ka-love triangle):

-Jaja

-Adonn

-Mac Lester

-Uno

-Tonie Cris

-Weng

IV. Milestones

1. Mr. PUP LHS 1997 – Leo

2. SSC Auditor 1997-1998 – Weng

3. Music Fest Champions for Duet Category (3^rd year) – Karen B. and Melvin

4. Ms. PUP Coed 2000 – Karen P.

5. Music Fest Champions for Quartet Category (1^st year) - Karen B., Eden, Weng & Rexie

6. Outstanding CCA Member 2000 – Weng

7. Math Olympiad Achievers – Eden, Lala & Karen

8. Inter-Level Spelling Quiz Champion (1^st year) –Adonn

9. SSC Auditor 1998-1999 – Lala

10.Declamation Class Representatives 1997 – Weng, Adonn, Rhodora

11. Outstanding LHS Student 2000 – Karen P.

12. GSP Provincial Senior Planning Board Co-Chairman – Weng

13. SSC VP 1999-2000 – Karen P.

14. GSP Southern Tagalog Junior Journalist Guild Editor - Eden

15. Mr. Foundation 2000 – Augen

Hurting and Learning

2010-10-30T10:43:00.000+08:00

Every bruise represents knowledge that is now mine to keep and use for my Tax Review and Bar Exams. Those, I will never have acquired if I didn't have to write 120 case digests. I'm happy about it.

Good Food on Purple Styro

2010-09-29T17:53:00.001+08:00

I must admit that Paotsin is one of the good things I got to discover with someone from the past. Would I let the great-tasting sharksfin dumpling go with the close of that chapter? Definitely not. Good thing Sam loves Paotsin, too. If you haven't tried it, it's about time you do. We ate there last week and got our stomach full for only P90. It was the first time their food was served to me on a purple styro with a purple sfork (is that how you call the half-spoon, half-fork thing?). I find it cute so I took a photo. I wonder if somewhere in the mind of its owner is a plan of using pink styro. I would probably ask Sam to eat there often. Hehe...

Net Neutrality

2010-09-17T15:37:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: The communication is not intended to be a legal opinion of the author. The article is written for the sole purpose of complying with an academic requirement.

There could be some things that I don't understand as a mere internet user, but given the experiences and whatever understanding I have as a non-tech savvy and an ordinary "netizen", my stand in the issue of net neutrality depends on whether it pertains to "broadband provider - consumer" or "broadband provider - website owner".

When we select an internet service provider, we consider many things such as other's opinions, our own experiences and those of other people, the area where we will use the service, etc. Aside from the possibility of clogging the lines due to many users, the kinds of technology these providers could be using, and perhaps the proximity of the spot from the nearest satellite, how much you pay for your internet also says a lot about the quality of service that you will get. It's understandable that the channels through which internet data are being transmitted cannot handle everything and still work at its fastest and most efficient state. Hence, I don't see any harm or injustice in seeking to get fast internet connection if you need it and you are willing to pay for it. The needs of internet users vary, and we respond to it depending on our ability to address such needs. A big corporation that depends on data transmission obviously needs a faster internet connection than an individual who only uses the internet for personal purposes, so that big corporation could be willing to pay more. If an individual, however, desires to get fast internet connection, he may get it by paying more. The different internet connection packages offered by service providers are there to give us the freedom to choose the level of service we wish to get, and for me that is OK.

However, once you get your choice of an internet provider, you must have the right to expect equal access to all the contents of the web. Making those big websites, whose owners can pay the service providers, easier and faster to access and load data works to the disadvantage of small and less popular websites. If the internet is not neutral, providers can manipulate the lines to increase the speed of websites of entities who pay. And how do they get the extra speed? It could be by decreasing the speed of other websites whose owners pay less or cannot pay at all. Worse, websites of competitors could be blocked at all. This restricts freedom of information. I cannot apply here the reasoning I laid down in the "provider-consumer" aspect because it is my thinking that all websites have the same reason for being put on the web, and they have the same need to be viewed by people. They should be treated equally and generate traffic based on their merits, not on accessibility. Absence of net neutrality in this aspect is anti-competitive, unfair and oppressive.

Statement of support for DILG Secretary Jesse Robredo

2010-09-03T08:50:00.000+08:00

We, the leaders of the Kaya Natin! Movement for Good Governance and Ethical Leadership greatly appreciate the statement of President Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III to clear the name of Department of Interior and Local Government (DILG) Secretary Jesse Robredo from accountability regarding the failure of the Philippine National Police (PNP) to respond effectively to the Quirino Grandstand hostage crisis last August 23,2010. In Aquino’s statement which was published in several major newspapers, he clearly said that he had made a previous arrangement for Secretary Robredo to focus on local government matters and designated Undersecretary Rico Puno to be more directly in charge of the PNP, thus it was Puno and not Robredo whom Aquino said was partly to blame for the botched response of the PNP. We also strongly support the move of Aquino to immediately convene an investigation led by Department of Justice (DOJ) Secretary Leila de Lima and Robredo regarding this very unfortunate incident.

As such, we believe that persistent calls made by some of our government leaders for Robredo to resign from his position and/or to inhibit himself from the on-going investigation are unjustifiable and baseless. We urge our government leaders to set aside politics for the meantime as we try to move forward with the investigation to find out what really transpired during the hostage crisis.

We believe that a swift, fair and impartial investigation on this matter will help restore the credibility of our nation’s government in the eyes of the international community. Finally, we urge the President to act decisively towards giving the appropriate punishment to government leaders who are found to have neglected in their duties and responsibilities during the hostage crisis. By doing so, our government can send a clear and strong message to our countrymen and the international community that justice will be served to those who failed to perform their duties regardless of influence or position.

SIGNED:

HON. EDDIE PANLILIO, former Governor, Pampanga
HON. GRACE PADACA, former Governor, Isabela
HON. TEOFISTO GUINGONA III, Senator
HON. TEDDY BAGUILAT, JR., Representative, Ifugao
HON. BOLET BANAL, Representative, Quezon City
HON. NERIC ACOSTA, former Representative, Bukidnon
HON. SONIA LORENZO, former Mayor, San Isidro, Nueva Ecija
HON. GLORIA CONGCO, Mayor, Cabiao, Nueva Ecija
HON. MABEL SUNGA ACOSTA, former Councilor, Davao City
HON. ROQUE VERZOSA, JR., Mayor, Tagudin, Ilocos Sur
HON. FLORANTE GERDAN, former Mayor, Sta. Fe, Nueva Vizcaya
HON. MARIVIC BELENA, Mayor, San Jose City, Nueva Ecija
HON. VALENTE YAP, Mayor, Bindoy, Negros Oriental
HON. MARY JANE ORTEGA, former Mayor, San Fernando City, La Union
HON. FERMIN MABULO, former Mayor, San Fernando, Camarines Sur

Serendipity

2010-09-02T17:14:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to make French Toasts.

But I love it when Ate cooks it for breakfast. I never asked her how she does it. I'm just not interested to know. All I know is that it has butter. I also think there must be some eggs in it. I'm not sure.

I am so bored with the book I'm reading, so I called a breaktime. I saw some loaves of bread, eggs and butter. I suddenly craved for French Toasts. Without knowing if I could really come up with what I was imagining, I had an egg beaten and I soaked the bread into it. Then I placed some butter into the pan and cooked the bread. Viola!

It's not like the one Ate makes. It doesn't taste the same, too. It should be a little sweet. Maybe I should have added milk or sugar. Oh boy... But hey! It tastes, really good. Believe me. Haha! I'll make some more for Sam later.

Now, I wanna know how to make French Toasts.

Or maybe I no longer do. =D

SRO - Self-Restraining Order

2010-08-31T12:45:00.000+08:00

You'll be proud of me.

The other day, I received a mail in a thick, blue envelope. I opened it and saw an information sheet, pamphlets, and other stuff. The main content is a glossy black credit card. Oh, dear! Some company was trying to induce me into having it activated. I was especially terrified (yes, terrified) by the credit limit indicated in the letter. P250,000! Woah! That limit... being offered to a non-working law student!

If I were the girl in the Shopaholic series, that day would have been the start of my calvary, swimming in the sea of debts. But I'm not... though I used to be. I remember getting addicted to purchasing on credit when I was still working. I ended up spending my salary for my bills, and then using that magic card again... so on and so forth. It was nothing but a "buy now, cry later" thing. I grew tired of the cycle and painstakingly tried to get out of it. Now I'm OK. Thanks to those who forced me to quit the addiction.

Now, upon seeing the new card, I must admit that a little portion of my brain wanted to use it. But the bigger one called conscience (or perhaps it's common sense), got me holding a pair of scissors, and here's how it looks like now! (distortion intentionally made)

I have another card that served me for more than 3 years. That's how it can be said, but in reality, it was me who served the company that provided it. It suffered the same fate just this morning.

I still have another one, but I only intend to use it for extreme emergencies (simple emergencies would not suffice). How will a newly-rehabilitated shopaholic do that? Simple. Sam keeps the card away from me. Any purchase to be made using that thing will be subject to thorough deliberation.

Yes, it felt good to be able to have the stuff you need even when you're short of cash, but it feels so much better to be free of debts. I'm choosing the better option.

I don't mean to offend credit card companies or people who use their cards extensively. It has benefits, and no one denies that. It's just that I personally don't want to drown into life-sucking interest rates anymore. Never again.

Banning Blackberry Devices

2010-08-25T18:26:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: The communication is not intended to be a legal opinion of the author. The article is written for the sole purpose of complying with an academic requirement.

FACTS

The Policy in Issue

Some countries imposed a ban on the use of Blackberry devices. As of this writing, UAE, India, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon and Indonesia have expressed their concerns against the said smartphone, and either imposed, or is contemplating to impose, the ban. The reason for the policy is that the messages being sent and received using the e-mail feature of the device are difficult to monitor. Saudi Arabia, in particular, defends the policy, stating that it is not censorship, but enforcement of regulations. Indian authorities believe that Blackberry services were used during the Mumbai attacks in 2008. Authorities cite national security as the compelling reason for the policy, stating the difficulty, if not impossibility, to monitor the communications of terrorists and other criminals using Blackberry.

Blackberry's Encryption System

Blackberry is being manufactured and operated by Research In Motion (RIM), a Canadian-based company. Unlike other mobile devices, Blackberry's internet service is being provided by RIM's own network connection around the world using a special encryption system, which gives the service better efficiency and security. This is one of the reasons why the device has become increasingly popular, both for personal and business purposes. The facilities that receive and route the messages sent from the devices are located in Canada and Britain. It means that unlike other mobile devices that transmit electronic data messages using local servers, Blackberry messaging system routes and processes all data out of the state's jurisdiction. This is what concerns the authorities.

Regulation on Telecommunications

WAM Emirates New Agency published an article comparing the regulation of telecommunications in UAE with those of the US and UK. The state has the authority to monitor certain communications and require telecommunication companies to cooperate in doing so to serve public interest and national security. It includes suspension or revocation of licenses granted to the companies should they fail to have the technical capability to furnish information that may be required of them. If US and UK can validly do that, so should UAE and other countries be able to do the same.

This is not the first time the regulation was imposed. Last year, Saudi Arabian authorities ordered Elisalat, the local provider of Blackberry, to have their subscribers install a software designed to monitor e-mails coming in and out of their phones. This, however, turned out to be a spyware, and was eventually ordered to be removed.

REACTION

Banning communication could be more than enforcement of laws or regulations. It might be a form of censorship which faces the issue of reasonability, apart from being subject to criticisms from the international community. However, as independent states, the countries involved have the right to implement their own laws grounded upon their own determination of their needs as influenced by their own forms of government and the events that have happened and are currently happening in their respective territories. The policy might have been dictated by uprisings and terrorisms these countries have experienced and aims to put an end to. If it is indeed the reason for the ban, the policy survives the "reasonableness test" and even the "clear and present danger test". However, if their concerns are more imagined than real, the ban might be too oppressive and restrictive of the people's right to communication, and even to the property rights of those who already have Blackberry phones and cannot use them anymore.

With the way the policy would operate, there is no difference between private communications for lawful purposes which should be protected, and communications for illegal or unlawful purposes which must be suppressed. Both will be banned. In some situations, however, the privacy accorded to lawful communications must yield to the greater interest of national security.

The policy does not also amount to a total restriction of communications. Not all mobile communications are being banned, but only those transmitted through Blackberry. Those affected may use other devices. There may be a valid classification, considering the special encryption system being used by RIM, which is different from the ones being used by others. The same reason holds true on the issue of having RIM deprived of the right to engage in lawful business.

As mentioned above, Saudi Arabia already attempted to impose a regulation short of a total ban which, however, failed. In the US, there is a mechanism by which authorities can intercept, retrieve and monitor the messages sent via Blackberry should they need to do so in solving crimes and in other law enforcement activities. Failure of RIM to have a similar mechanism operate in Saudi Arabia, for instance, could be a valid reason for the imposition of the ban. It is worth mentioning that Saudi has lifted the ban temporarily while RIM is devising a system to comply with their regulatory requirements. If there should evolve a better way to regulate with less deprivation of freedom, the ban would then be unreasonable.

In sum, the policy banning the use of Blackberry phones in the countries so mentioned may or may not be duly called for depending on the judgment of the authorities, influenced by the situations in their respective territories. Yes, it would have adverse effects to the conduct of business and to the economy in general, since it would weaken the privacy, integrity and efficiency of private and business communications. But as long as the people will not be totally silenced, and it is only a restriction on a particular device, and the enforcement is not being conducted arbitrarily, then the policy could be considered as proper and reasonable.

Footnotes:

1. UAE BlackBerry ban set to spread throughout Gulf states; Richard Wray; www.guardian.co.uk; Monday 2 August 2010.

2. Comparative overviewof Telecommunications Regulations in US, UK and UAE; WAM Emirates News Agency; 1 August 2010.

Transportation and Retail

2010-08-25T09:00:00.001+08:00

The other day, I rode a tricycle from FCM to Sam's place. I was surprised to see some junk foods, cigarettes, etc. inside the tricycle. The driver told me that he sells those stuff for additional "baon" for his children. Wow! Yan ang Pinoy! Ituloy nyo lang yan, manong. Your family must be very proud of you. =)

If you want to use a few moments of your surfing time earning income, click on the links at the right side and at the bottom of the page. Bongga sya! Click-click lang for a few seconds. You'll earn a few USD cents per click, but after a while, you'll be surprised at how much your balance is, which you may redeem via Paypal. =) Gayahin nyo si manong. =p (Yan ang segue! Hehe...)

My Party List of Choice

2010-04-26T12:20:00.000+08:00

I used to be a non-believer of the party list system. Though the framers of the Constitution had a good motive when they provided for it, I saw many groups that are taking advantage of the privilege for their own personal gain. They do not really represent marginalized sectors. If you would ask the people they purport to represent, they really don't feel benefited.

I used to hate leftists. I perceive them as mere nuisance, doing nothing but disrupt peace and order (and cause heavy traffic on my way to school. Argh!). Whenever I see rallies, I wanted to yell at those people and tell them to just go home and think of a nice meal to cook for their family.

But that was then... until I met these patriotic people from a noble party called AKBAYAN.

I've been a volunteer for Sen. Noynoy Aquino since he proclaimed his intention to heed the people's call and run for President. But mine was just online campaigning. Last February, I decided to step into the ground and campaign on the field. Eventually, and as a natural consequence of being a true Yellow Army, I found myself marching with Akbayan from Plaza Miranda to COMELEC. And that was then that I started getting to know the causes that they are fighting for. I got amazed by their dedication, and a part of me felt ashamed of myself for bragging to be a patriotic Filipino, when my efforts won't even match a quarter of theirs.

Akbayan is not one of those leftists that are war freaks and trouble makers. They are in fact peace-loving people who advocate for genuine reform in the government and seek to depart from traditional politics. They fight for the right causes and the real interests of the unheard voices of the people. Other groups just go out to the streets and protest without digging into the real issue and knowing the true sentiments of the people they claim to represent. (Yes, I'm speaking in particular about the illegal strike at the Hacienda Luisita. Poor farmers. They never wanted what the protesters cried out for.)

I still think there are bogus party list groups. There are more of the fake than the genuine. But I see Akbayan as a real representative of the marginalized people who cry for reform, but still within the bounds of democracy. (Boo, communism!) And being so, this party upholds and supports the real noble intent of the Constitution.

I still hate rallies. But I am convinced that Akbayan, in the first place, wouldn't be marching to the streets if there are no genuine issues to fight for. They really listen, evaluate and discern. Hindi kagaya ng ibang walang ginawa kundi mag-rally at kumontra ng kumontra, di naman naiintindihan ang issue.

I'm not an Akbayan member... not as yet. I'm not sure if my present priorities would allow me to give my time and equate the dedication of its members. But I am now supporting their cause. No more Miss Apathetic.

This coming election, no more boycotting of the party list vote. I shall cast my vote for - to copy Joey de Leon's t-shirt print - "alam nyo NA".

=)

P.S.

If you don't think the same way as I do, I respect your stand. Just please respect mine, too. We are in a democratic country, but I believe that freedom should be within the bounds of reason and good manners. Thank you!

Connection Failed

2010-01-07T12:36:00.000+08:00

Kanina pumunta ako sa canteen para bumili ng chichiria...

Eds: Kuya, isang Cheese Balls po at isang Cracklings.

--Inabot ng tindero sa akin ung mga binili ko...--

Eds: Magkano po?

Tindero: Sampung piso po.

Eds: Pareho na yun?

Tindero: Opo.

--Nagbigay ako ng P20.--

Hindi na ako sinuklian.

OK, so P10 EACH pala. Kaloka 'to si Kuya. =p

Internet Break

2010-01-06T17:09:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I actually use that term. For me, internet is thepermanent thing, and studying is the "break" from it. Hahaha! But now,until and unless the WIFI connection at the campus gets fixed, I haveno choice but to use the computer stationed here at the ALAS office forsome internet break. Though I could use it for as long as I wish to,unless someone else would need it for any "official" reason, I imposeda rule upon myself that I'll limit my usage to 1 hour in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon. Argh! This feels like suicide in a different form! Yet I'll try to follow my self-imposed rule. Who knows? This might just help lessen my addiction. Uhm... That one is but a wish and not an expectation. I know I'll just get disappointed. Hahaha!

Discipline, I call upon you to come into my life. Hahaha! Wish me luck, friends!

By the way, it doesn't include interent at home during nighttime. Hehe...

A Blessed 2010!

2010-01-05T11:55:00.000+08:00

As part of my New Year's Resolutions, which I hope I'd be able to sustain for the entire 2010, I decided to read one email from Bo Sanchez each day. I have more than a hundred unread newsletters, and I have always intended to read them all. Believe me! I chose the most recent and the most relevant email, entitled Believe That You'll Have a Super Blessed Year . I hope this is gonna be a good start.

I loved the part where Bo mentioned about an experiment scientists performed on mice. Read first before you judge me to be cruel to animals. (Swimming in the Dark Isn't Fun) The result of the experiment is reflective of the way people handle trials and difficulties. If there is total darkness, we tend to give up. But if we see even a speck of light, we fight. When I experience blackouts, I always look for light, even the tiniest of it. If I don't see one, I just stay where I am and wait for electricity to get fixed. I get weak. I call it "visual suffocation". But when I see a small bright spot, I feel more secure, and I try to look for a flashlight, or a candle and match, or someone in the room with whom I can just sit and happily chat in darkness. This is also true in the more serious stuff of facing life's trials. I strive because there is something good to hold on to. But if I know that my efforts would be futile, I quit.

Two days ago, I opened my 2010 planner and started to plan my year. There's a space where I can put my goals for the year. Two things I had in mind, among others, are: (1) to improve my grades, and (2) to allocate a sum of money out of my monthly allowance for something. I didn't write them on the blank sheet because I didn't want to get disappointed. I didn't want to look back at the end of the year and realize that I failed.

I went to school yesterday and saw two sparks of light. First, I received my latest grades. I was shaking when I handed my claim stub to the the lady at the records section. I was praying for the best, but I taught myself to lower my expectations. I felt I didn't perform well in the finals, and so I was prepared to receive merely passing grades. I was shocked and speechless for a couple of seconds when the print-out was given to me. I didn't get what I expected... I got what I hoped and prayed for! When I was still working, I struggled against my poor health condition, and I almost didn't have time to study. I was depressed, and I started convincing myself that as long as I don't fail in any subject, I should be OK in getting so-so grades. Then I was forced to sacrifice my work so that, in my mom's words, "you'll still be alive when you become a lawyer". I went back to being a jobless student, asking for monthly allowance and tuition fee from my parents. I told them I'll do my best to deserve their support, but deep inside I didn't believe in myself. Now, this is my redemption! I wanted to call Nanay right there and then, and tell her, "Hey! Your daughter is doing something right!" I didn't, of course, for Nanay would just tell me, "dapat lang" in her own humorous way. I just said a little prayer, thanking God for giving me a chance to make my life in school better. Now, I feel that I'm ready to get even better grades this term. My first spark of hope for the new year is an invitation to excellence. It's never too late to reclaim my pride! I still have doubts, but they have become too small against my great hope. I'll study harder and pray for even better results. So help me, God.

I saw the second spark of hope at the next door. I inquired about my long overdue "employment". There were uncertainties last month, and I was not sure if I really wanted to accept the "job". But it was finalized yesterday when Sir Bubut called me to his office. Today, I officially started working as a... I really don't know how I should call this job. I am assigned to manage this approximately 4x7 meters ALAS office. I shall keep an inventory of some 20-30 books for the exclusive use of our organization. This is a mini library, so I'll call myself a mini librarian. =p Thanks to my planner, I realized I needed to get a regular income, and so saying yes became easier. Now I can breathe more peacefully, and eventually, I'll be able to tell Nanay that she doesn't have to give me a monthly allowance, or at least she can just give me 50% of it. Hehe...

When I got home, the first thing I did was to open my planner, and with a hopeful spirit, I wrote down those two goals for 2010. I feel blessed! To God be the Glory!

Let Peace Begin with Justice

2009-11-25T23:08:00.001+08:00

My mind is so occupied by news about the Ampatuan massacre. I've known even before that Maguindanao is an election hotspot, but it was only now that I really got the idea of how chaotic politics in Maguindanao is.

The victims were civilians who fearlessly tried to exercise democracy. Some sought it by deciding to file their certificates of candidacy for public office. I'm pretty sure there had been warnings and threats surrounding their plan to run against the ruling family, but still they made their way to the COMELEC office, peaceful and armless. The others were journalists who were supposed to be enjoying press freedom. They could have brought us news that would bring hope to everyone. It was found out later on that other victims were not even included in the convoy but were merely passers-by. The people who are mandated by law to protect them mercilessly took their lives.

I suddenly remembered the song "Let There be Peace on Earth", which I learned when I was in Grade 2. It speaks of one's desire to live in peace with the rest of the world, which goes with a vow for it to begin with him. I found myself crying and asking myself how will I ever possibly be powerful enough to bring peace to the world? I feel hopeless, helpless and inutile.

As long as there are people who cling on to their power by sellingtheir souls to the devil, peace will remain a dream and a totalimpossibility. But if dreaming is the only thing I can do, then I shallkeep on doing so. I shouldn't lose hope that democracy still works. We have to make it work, the same way as the victims themselves tried. Never will I stop believing that no matter how big the evils surrounding us are, we have a bigger God who will never abandon us.

I hope and pray that justice be served to the victimsof the Ampatuan massacre... before I totally lose my will to dream.

Survey on Social Networking

2009-11-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

Instruction: Kindly copy the questionnaire below and paste it either on MS word or on the "comments" section below this post. Put an [x] on the choices corresponding to your answer. If you choose the first option, email your answers to songbird1983@gmail.com. Thanks!

A. Facebook

1.    Do you have a Facebook account?
[ ] Yes            [ ] No

2.    How often do you log on?
[ ] Daily            [ ] 1-5 times/week        [ ] Twice a month
[ ] Once a month    [ ] Others (pls. specify) _________________

3.    How much time do you spend on the site each day you log in?
[ ] More than 8 hrs    [ ] 5-8 hrs            [ ] 1-4 hrs
[ ] Less than an hour

4.    How many Facebook friends do you have?
[ ] More than 1,000    [ ] 500-1000            [ ] Less than 500

5.    Do you invite/approve friend requests from people you barely know or those you don’t know at all?
[ ] Yes        [ ] No            [ ] Often but not at all times

6.    In a scale of 1-5 (5 being the highest), rank your activities on Facebook based on the portion of time you spend on them.
___Status updates and comments
___Uploading/reading/watching videos, photos and links
___Blogging
___Games, quizzes and other applications
___News

B. Twitter

1.    Do you have a Twitter account?
[ ] Yes            [ ] No

2.    How often do you log on?
[ ] Daily            [ ] 1-5 times/week        [ ] Twice a month
[ ] Once a month    [ ] Others (pls. specify) _________________

3.    How much time do you spend on the site each day you log in?
[ ] More than 8 hrs    [ ] 5-8 hrs            [ ] 1-4 hrs
[ ] Less than an hour

4.    How many people do you follow?
[ ] More than 500    [ ] 301-500            [ ] 100-300
[ ] Less than 100

5.    How many followers do you have?
[ ] More than 500    [ ] 301-500            [ ] 100-300
[ ] Less than 100

C. Youtube

1.    Do you have a Youtube account?
[ ] Yes            [ ] No

2.    How often do you visit the website?
[ ] Daily            [ ] 1-5 times/week        [ ] Twice a month
[ ] Once a month    [ ] Others (pls. specify) _________________

3.    How much time do you spend on the site each day you log in?
[ ] More than 8 hrs    [ ] 5-8 hrs            [ ] 1-4 hrs
[ ] Less than an hour

4.    Do you upload videos that are available to the public?
[ ] Yes            [ ] No

5.    Do you post and/or read comments below the videos?
[ ] Read and/or post    [ ] Read only            [ ] Post only
[ ] Neither

D. All social networks

1.    Do you exercise caution in posting updates, files and comments in social networks?
[ ] Yes            [ ] No

2.    How do you perceive the freedom in expressing yourself in social networks as against personal interactions?
[ ] It’s much harder to express myself in social networks.
[ ] I find more freedom expressing myself in social networks.
[ ] They are just the same.

3.    Do you think improper conduct on social networks can hold one liable for libel or defamation?
[ ] Yes            [ ] No

Put your explanation below if you wish to elaborate:

4.    If you read or learn about derogatory remarks or any other offensive materials against you on a social network, will you institute a libel suit against the doer?
[ ] Yes            [ ] No

Put your explanation below if you wish to elaborate:

If You Speak from Your Heart, You'll Be Heard

2009-10-14T11:55:00.002+08:00

My political awakening started during Cory's death. I cried on Facebook and Twitter. Then there came the news about those shameless extravagant dinners and foreign trips of our President and her "dabarkads". Again, I shouted my anger and disappointment using those cyber megaphones. And then during the twin tragedies of Ondoy and Pepeng, Twitter and Facebook shouted back and asked us to echo the summon for heroes. I'd like to think I complied.

Who cares about my shout-outs? No matter what I say, no one will hear me. I call my tweets and posts "whispered screams". So yeah, I can say anything and be as tactless as I could get, because only a few would listen. Take this blog, for instance. I bet I'm the only person reading this. Haha! Well, this is just an online diary.

But recent events told me that when you speak from your heart and your words are sincere, it's impossible for you not to be heard.

I found my tweets being followed by supporters of the same cause I am advocating. These are people I don't know personally, but they became my friends because we're singing to the same tune. They gave my thoughts a little push. Thanks for their RTs.

The next thing that happened is probably the biggest - Noynoy Aquino actually followed me! was one of those 45 tweeps he heard. OMG! Then one Wednesday night, Jiggy Cruz and Bam Aquino said on RockEd that they know me. Are they serious? *blush*

Some big tweetnames and many other active tweeps - they're following me. I actually feel pressured. I tell you (talking to myself), when these people learn that I'm so "overreacting" about this, my face will turn "pussy red" (That's not "bastos". That's a nail polish color. Credits to my good friends, Doris and Jhack. I knew nothing about nail coloring until I met these two fab law students.)

This might just be - well, it is - no big stuff. After all, I've read a research work theorizing that user accounts in social networks are mere online personalities controlled by real people. The idea is that you and your facebook (and twitter) account are two different persons. (Should the other one be called a "person", too?) But nonetheless, it's still the concept of "alter ego" that works, meaning, the online person is still yourself. Duh? Why am I saying this? Wala lang. This is just a free flow of thoughts. Perhaps I'm being haunted by my deadline in Advance Legal Writing. Hahaha!

Let me get back to the bottomline, as the title says - if you speak from your heart, you'll be heard. Let me divide this realization into two ideas:

1. No voice is so small if the message comes from your heart.

Yes, I'd like to believe that all my tweets and posts are products of my conscious reflections, even the nastiest things I say. Sometimes I just mean to bully someone, and sometimes I mean to be nonsense. But just the same, I mean it! Peace! I never expected to be heard by people other than my small circle of real-life friends. I am not a public figure in the first place. But since these people started reading - and sometimes echoing - the things I say, I began to ask myself: What did I do to deserve such distinguished audience? I didn't advertise, I didn't get myself interviewed in some TV show, I didn't do anything... but speak from my heart.That made all these possible.

2. Because you are being heard, be careful with what you speak.

I'm starting to filter my words now. People don't deserve to be flooded with nonsense things on the web. They listen to me, and I am bound to tell them things that make sense. The term is very wide anyway, so I guess I'm not imposing some restrictions upon myself that would violate the "freedom of expression" clause. I can speak anything - from serious politics to personal thoughts - that would (hopefully) be worth those 5-or-less seconds of their time. I assume upon myself the responsibility for whatever I say. I try to make sure that I convey the right message. For me, it's OK to not be paid too much attention. What I simply wouldn't want is to be misunderstood.

Do I need to explain how these two things apply to real-life situations?

(Uh-oh! I'm speaking about politics again. No big deal, I'm just talking to myself. Hehehe...)

Next year, your "small voice" (but then again I tell you there's no such thing as that) will get the chance to be heard through the ballots. (For purposes of this blog post, I'd like to give "heard" and "read", or any words of similar import, the same meaning. I'm appealing to your common sense and expertise in figures of speech. Come on!) If you are qualified, GO OUT AND VOTE! Oops! Not yet! REGISTER FIRST! Time is running out. People love to cram, really. But I'm glad my Mom made me go home to Quezon and register 2 weeks after I turned 18. That was in August 2001, 3 months after the elections, which means the next election was still 3 years away. OA? I don't think so. The best thing about it was that I didn't have to wait for hours, which is the very reason why people get "tamad" to register. *Clap, clap, clap* But then again, as long as it's not yet too late to register, do it! Don't let your chance pass by. You're no longer minors, hello? And would you want to be likened to civil interdicts? Exercise your fundamental right to vote. That's the essence of democracy. Your single vote counts. (Let's do our best to make sure it does. Be vigilant!)

The next thing to remember - and this is not only important, but essential - is to choose your leaders very carefully. The last thing we would want to experience "again" is to be governed by people who put their personal interests above the general welfare of the people. The best way to say NO to corruption is to elect leaders who are not corrupt. (Oh! Did I just spell LE CIRQUE? Hihi!). We still have enough time to get to know these candidates. Only entrust our country to people with good hearts. At the end of the day, when they are already seated, their governance will not be influenced by their debating skills, pogi points and money. It shall be the heart and the mind that shall influence their discretion. Please, please, please... Exercise your judgment carefully. Get to know them, and I mean the real person behind the coats and barongs, not the sweet smiles you see on those TV ads and streamers (and relief goods, damn it!)

Have I said enough (or too much)? I won't bother to measure, just as long as I was able to deliver the right message - to myself? No, I don't think I'll be left unheard. After all, I have spoken from my heart.

Lessons from Ondoy

2009-09-30T19:09:00.004+08:00

This is not yet my full account of what I have experienced during the typhoon. I still can't find any courage to recollect my emotions one by one. Perhaps, when all these are over, I will do some editing on this post.

I was not one of those people that needed to be rescued. I am one of the fortunate few who were at a safe place when it happened. We were stuck at the second floor of our school. Neither did I have to do some cleaning up because, praise God, flood did not reach our house. This is just a short recollection of the lessons I learned from Ondoy, a calamity that has become a humbling experience for all of us.

With very limited supply of food and water, I learned how to CONSERVE resources.
Some of my classmates worried about their families, and so I learned the meaning of COMPASSION.
When we were asked to form a queue for free dinner courtesy of our school admin, I learned about HUMILITY.
We were offered free film showing and videoke that night, I learned to SMILE DESPITE THE HARD TIMES.
When the flood subsided the following morning and we were able to go home, I learned the value of GRATEFULNESS.
Finally, when I went to the relief center to bring my donations, I learned the value of SHARING.

But in all those things, what I learned the most is the power of PRAYER.

God bless our beloved country!

Isang Bote, Isang Lata Mula kay Future Atty.

2009-09-29T14:07:00.001+08:00

ALLBAR EXAMINEES:

The DLSU Student Council will provide donation boxes onOctober 4 (last Sunday of the Bar exams) at the DLSU campus for the"Isang Bote, Isang Lata Mula Kay Future Atty" drive. Please bring 1bottle of mineral water and 1 cannedgood on the said day. If each will bring one, there'll be 6,000 to begiven to those in need. Please pass the info around. GOD BLESS YOU.

Yet another way of helping the victims of Ondoy. Please spread the news.

Distinguished Heroes During the Great Flood

2009-09-29T11:43:00.001+08:00

Philippine Man Loses Own Life After Saving Dozens from Floods

I cried buckets when I read the news online. Muelmar is ahero, and he adds up to the countless reasons why I’m so proud to be aFilipino. I hope he could get some recognition from our government. Letevery Filipino know his story so he could serve as an inspiration tous. I hope his heroism extends beyond saving people during the typhoon,and goes as far as touching our lives and teaching us to care forothers the way he did. Salamat, Muelmar. Hindi matatawaran ang iyongkabayanihan. Ikinararangal ka namin. Karangalan para sa akin ang magingkapwa mo Pilipino.

Judge on Jetski Saves 100

Yes,Hon. Ralph Lee of QC RTC Branch 83, you are Superman! Not only those100 lives you saved are thankful to you. Kami rin po, we admire yourheroism. Thank you for risking your life when you could have juststayed at the comforts of your home. We wishyou good health, long life, and fulfillment in your profession. Salamatpo.

Soldier Saves 20 Before Drowning in Laguna

Anotherset of heroes. They have shown what it really means to be soldiers.

I hope all Filipinos are like them. Hindi namankelangang parating me baha at me mga nalulunod na dapat iligtas. We canbe heroes in our small ways.

Kanino ba Ako may Utang na Loob?

2009-09-23T08:14:00.014+08:00

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and as I was narrating my experience during last Monday's Pinoy Power concert, politics became our topic. That friend of mine was still undecided about who she will vote for President next year. "I'm actually thinking not to vote na lang at all kasi sayang lang oras ko", she said. "Bakit kasi namatay agad si Ninoy?" she added. We are both fans of Ninoy Aquino and Jovito Salonga. I told her to let Ninoy rest in peace with Cory, and let Jovi enjoy his retirement. "Anjan na si Noynoy", I exclaimed. "Pero hindi naman sya si Ninoy", she answered.

I just couldn't let that chance to get an additional supporter slip away, so I told her with conviction:

"Gurl, siguro naman di ka aangal pag sinabi kong nung panahon ni Cory lang tayo nanahimik at nagtiwala sa gobyerno. I don't have to explain history to you. Alam mo yun. The message is clear. We need a uniting force. We need someone with a good character, someone who will inspire us to be good citizens. Pinatay si Ninoy, namatay si Cory - two events na nakitaan natin ng unity ang mga Pilipino. Ngayon ayan si Noynoy, buhay na buhay. I believe he is the President we've been waiting for after Cory." I said other things, but they are just too long to mention.

"Wow, ikaw ba yan? Di ba wa' care ka na sa pulitika?" she joked. "Epekto ba yan ng law school o ni Kris Aquino? Alam ko na... sino crush mo sa mga apo ni Cory?" She knows how to make me laugh even in the most serious situation.

"Anu ka ba? Basta feel na feel ko maging active. Dati naman kasi talagang wala na akong pakialam. E l*che 'to si GMA, ginalit ako ng bonggang bongga. Nung nag-declare si Noy, shoot! Biglang me Presidente na ako. Dapat manalo sya, at mananalo sya. Enough to convince you?" I said.

I suppose I won, because she told me, "Pang-senado speech mo, lola! Sabagay, mabait naman talaga si Noynoy e, at parang sya nga lang ung me ganung bait. Takot lang nya kina Ninoy at Cory pag nagloko sya di ba? Sige na, anu ba yung registration sa text? Sali na rin ako." She was referring to the 9noynoy registration which I posted on facebook. (YIPEE!!)

And then she asked me, "E di ba kay Villar nagtatrabaho Kuya mo? Alam ba nyang kinakalaban mo sya? Baka sabihin nun wala kang utang na loob." I just answered, "Bahala sya sa buhay nya, at pakelam naman nya sa 'kin."

When we hung up after talking about many other things, those things left me thinking...

Wala nga ba akong utang na loob?

Before Noynoy declared his intention to run for President, I was not supporting any candidate, but Villar was closest to being my choice because Kuya works for him. I live here at Kuya's house for free. I don't pay for my food, internet connection, etc. Before Kuya got the job, we were living modest lives. I had a job and I had my share in our rentals. We ate simple food and yes, we didn't have internet connection. Now, food is always great, I have unlimited access to the web, and I conveniently stopped working to focus on my studies knowing that I no longer need to pay for anything. Kuya even started a small business.

If Villar will be our President, Kuya will surely stay in his job, or maybe get some better spot. Nanay will be secured in her position. She is at odds with our pathetic Mayor who keeps on floating her from her job so he could conveniently manipulate our people's money. Nanay never submits to our Mayor's caprices and irrational ideas. Life will be easy when Villar gets elected. Looking at these points, my friend might be right. Baka wala nga akong utang na loob.

But I thought deeper to rebut the idea.

Mom gave birth to me in a government hospital. Dad worked for the government. He started as a utility man, and from his salary he got himself to college. And when he graduated, promotions fell into his hands like rain, still with the government. Mom has also been working in our local government ever since. I finished elementary education in a public school. I took up my high school at PUP. I got my college degree at PLM. I was a constant beneficiary of academic scholarships. From end to end I was a government scholar. Now, Mom is paying for my tuition fee in law school, still from her salary.

Kanino nga ba ako may utang na loob?

My question got answered. I owe the government so much. I owe the taxpayers because their taxes sustain the government and provide funds for my education and my parents' employment. It is but my duty to help protect the people's interests through my simple ways of voting for the right person for the highest position in our government, and encouraging as many other people as I can to do the same. As I hope that our government officials would set aside their personal interests for the people, so I am putting my family's personal stake at the backseat.

I fear for the immediate effects on us. Kuya might lose his job and I might have to work again. When our Mayor gets reelected, Nanay might suffer another term of injustice and harassment. But I chose to just leave it all up to God. The general welfare of our countrymen is of paramount importance.

I believe that in the long run, all these negative effects on us will fade away. Kuya might still work for his boss in some other capacity. He has many legitimate businesses, anyway. As he is also a news writer, then with the continuous protection of our freedom of speech and of the press, his job will be more secure. I pray that our incumbent Mayor be defeated in the coming elections, but if Heaven will put Nanay into more tests by having him reelected, then with the installation of a good president, I am sure we can always fight for our rights.

OK, I thank Manny Villar for providing a job for my brother. But as a responsible Filipino, I have more reasons to vote for Noynoy Aquino.

If corruption is contagious, so is good character. I have been infected by the spirit of sacrifice, selflessness and concern for our country. Thanks to Sen. Ninoy for the sacrifice, to Pres. Cory for the inspiration, and to soon-to-be Pres. Noynoy for accepting the challenge to be our hope. I am willing to do everything I can to campaign for Noynoy even in my simplest ways. I'll vote for him in the name of hope for good governance leading to peace, unity and prosperity.

Yes, we can dream again.

Handog ng Pilipino sa Mundo

2009-09-14T11:01:00.006+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooGtSV7UafI

For the Nth time, this video made me cry again. I am always so moved by everything about our struggles and resultant victory against the dictator. Why? Kasi wala pa ako nung time na yun. I was merely 14 days old when Ninoy was killed. Lumaki na ako sa malayang Pilipinas, at I'm so thankful to those who have fought, sacrificed and died just to give me this bed of roses I am lying on. Thank you Sen. Ninoy, for being the wick that needed to be burnt to light the candle of consciousness.

Defending my President on Facebook

2009-09-09T18:36:00.005+08:00

09.09.09. I got up early to watch the live telecast of Sen. Noynoy's press conference wherein he would announce whether to run or not to run for President in 2010. I was 80% sure it's a YES, but still my heart was beating twice as fast in excitement. Nothing beats hearing the YES straight from his mouth.

And so that was it. He will run! My heart was filled with hope (but I just couldn't express my happiness because Ate and Kuya support another candidate. Hehe...

I logged on to facebook using my mobile phone, and there I read 2 status messages criticizing Noynoy's announcement. I found myself debating with these 2 guys. Hahaha! Reposting the debate with one of them (let's hide his identity and call him F1):

F1: Noynoy, parang GMA din, sabi daw ni LORD

EDS: Teka, sino ba gusto mo maging presidente? Lahat na lang ata me reklamo tayong mga Pilipino. For me, Noynoy may be perceived to be a weakling. He has no iron hands like that of the other politicians, but I believe he has a soft heart. If we're tired of traditional politicians, then maybe all we need is a uniting force. And what's wrong with "sabi ni Lord" kung sabi naman talaga ni Lord?

F1: "Lahat na lang ata" is an understatement, the Philippines has a population of 80M++; and I did not complain about Noynoy's running for presidency (FYI/R), no need for such violent reaction. The question should not be "who", but should be: "how, what and when", this little space here is not sufficient to answer your query. We really need a uniting force. And I never say that there is something wrong when it is: "sabi daw ni LORD", I just find it ironic and blasphemous to use such heresy as a campaign line... If their faith really dictates them to go out and serve, it shouldn't be publicized. Do you remember this line from the BIBLE: "Huwag mong ipaalam sa kaliwang kamay mo ang ginagawa ng kanang kamay mo." Enough said...

EDS: What, how and when will always be important, but on May 2010, we will ultimately be faced with WHO are those people whom we think will lead us to the best answers to all other questions. For me, Noynoy's mentioning of God's will is not heresy, but a statement of fact that he really went on a retreat and listened to God. What are you supposed to do in a monastery for days? Maybe we need politicians who can combine leadership with faith in God. Filipinos need a whole lot of evangelization. Heresy, some people may say. But if it's gonna do good for everyone, what are we questioning?

F1: all those things are relative :)

EDS: Yep, we look at politics and faith at different perspectives, but we have the same dream for our country. May we be guided by God in choosing our next President and all other leaders. Prayer answers everything. I hope this statement would not sound blasphemous. Hehe...

Too bad I wasn't able to save the debate with my other friend. That was hotter, and was participated in by 3 other people who are not my friends. Apparently, this friend of mine deleted the stat, and I don't know why. Hehehe...

Organic Lifestyle

2009-09-02T19:34:00.007+08:00

After discovering my internal defects (which I really didn't understand quite well, except that a part of it has something to do with the excessive sweating of my hands and feet) during my therapy last night, I was scheduled for a brief consultation today at 1pm. I was supposed to go there with Ate Cocot, but I wasn't ready yet (yeah, so me!) so she went ahead of me. Just as I was about to leave, she came back and told me that the therapist was not around, and will be back at 4pm. I headed to the mall to buy some groceries which, by the way, consist only of my basic beauty and hygiene supplies. I grabbed the usual stuff, among which are my shampoo, conditioner, feminine wash, mouthwash, toothpaste and lotion. I didn't buy soap because the therapist told me he would be prescribing some kind of an organic soap for me to replace safeguard.

When I got home, it was already 5pm. I rushed to the clinic and fortunately the therapist was still there. I had to buy a bottle of lemongrass hydrosol (distilled extracts of lemongrass, I think) and 2 kinds of organic soap, honey and dayap. The shock came about when he told me how to use the lemongrass hydrosol. I have to drink 2 shots a day. Check! I have to apply it to my hands and feet everyday. Check! It would have been ok, until he told me I should refrain from using synthetic (that was the term) health, beauty and hygiene products. I have to use that bottled lemongrass extract in lieu of lotion, facial cleanser (to take the place of face powder), mouthwash and deodorant. That thing in the bottle is both for internal and external use. Woah! If that is not yet enough, I was also advised not to use my favorite shampoo, and just use the honey soap instead. WAIT A MINUTE? Honey soap for my hair? That just can't be! But then, this is for my own good. He told me in some professional way that those sacrifices are needed for my treatment, simply because I didn't address my health issues earlier. So it all boils down to my nonfeasance, another mistake of the past. Waah! OWKAY FINE! I told you, this is a healing torture!

Now, what am I supposed to to with those stuff I bought at the grocery store???

Huhuhu...

Nostalgia

2009-08-24T00:09:00.005+08:00

When I left Quezon 9 years ago to pursue my studies in Manila, I left some portions of my heart in several places, and brought with me fond memories to take their place. Lopez has been and will always be my home, of course. But there are other towns where I had unforgettable experiences, good and bad, which had become part of my early teenage years. I was able to explore these places by reason of my active involvement in the Student Catholic Action - one of my most cherished groups - and the friendships (and some crush thing) I won for myself out of it. Of all those places, Gumaca holds the distinction of being the closest to my heart. (Calauag is also special, but since Gumaca is the center of our diocese, it ranks #1 as to the number and value of my memories. Sa ibang bagay pwedeng lamang kayo. =p)

Yesterday, I decided to hear the Sunday mass at the Cathedral. As I boarded the bus, I remembered how I struggled to find time after my classes on weekdays and my extra-curricular activities and other obligations on weekends just to be with my friends and stroll around (I refuse to disclose some of those places we went to, the people we rubbed elbows with, and some of our "other" reasons for getting together. Hihi!). It's just so different this time because I knew my friends wouldn't be there to meet me. But I went on.

Along the way I saw the house where a friend whom I had a crush on for 3-4 years (Yep, until my first year in college. Haha!) lived. Some memories I recalled, and in my mind, I was laughing. Very "high school" - cheesy! But hey! I was young and naive. Some 2 or 3 years ago, I heard he's already married. Buti na lang hindi naging kami. Hahaha!

I walked fast going to the Cathedral so as not to be late for the mass, and in some spot I heard someone call me. I was shocked that somebody knew me and actually recognized me behind the changed look and dark sunglasses. It was Athan, Joenabie's younger brother. I knew then that he wouldn't find it hard to identify the girl from another town who would always show up in front of their house, looking for his Ate, without prior notice. I would have wanted to chat with him for a couple of minutes but I was rushing to catch the mass.

The Cathedral only had some minor changes (I think). I could still imagine how it looked when our choir joined the Diocesan Choral Competition in 1998 (am I right with the year?). I suddenly missed our rehearsals almost every night - Fr. John's regular visit and sponsored merienda, hard laughs in between serious singing, and the dehumanizing remarks Sir Beng had to throw into our face just to squeeze out the best rendition of the contest piece "Mapag-iisang Bayan" and choice piece "Lutkin's Benediction" our vocal chords could possibly produce. Our efforts (and inherent talent *wink*) coupled with God's grace were paid off when we bagged the championship trophy, prestige and bragging rights. Oh yes! We wowed the audience and brought the house down with our breath-taking, hair-raising and bone-shaking performance. (Swear! Yan talaga comments nila. =p). The following year, a concert was organized and participated in by various parish choirs in our diocese. It was more fun and less stressful than the contest, but we still had our minds set to justify our title. The songs "Pagsibol" and "Pagkakaibigan" were assigned to us and became part of my hitlist of religious songs. Among the songs we sang with other choirs, "Song of Creation" is my favorite. I remembered our rehearsals and "lokohan" moments with the then seminarians Bro. Toni (now a priest) and Bro. Pio (now married). I miss those days!

Come to think of it. It seems that I wasn't paying attention to the mass. Haha! I was. Swear.

After the mass, I dared to eat alone. I sat by the glass wall and watched people pass by. Years ago, I was one of those "pagala-gala" children, and I honestly couldn't remember all the reasons why I loitered around the town with my friends. Would someone know? Maybe it's kind of an "in" thing for high school students. LOL.

Fr. Toni arrived from San Narciso and met me in that fastfood. We went to the parish office and I saw some (I was told they were just 1/8 of the whole population) "batang simbahan". They asked Fr. Toni who I was and he answered "Ate nyo". I really don't know whether I should feel sorry for myself because I'm already considered to be from another generation, or whether I should be proud of and happy for these children who are active in church like me, or even more, when I was their age. I chose to feel the latter. Walang kokontra. Hehe...

Many times did I laugh during our conversation. His sense of humor is his gift, though sometimes he could get corny. =D I enjoyed it. He told me Fr. John is with him at the Bishop's residence. I wanted to go there right then but it was already late. Huhu... Next time. There are more set of memories of that place to recollect.

I learned of one sad situation. (I'm gonna tell this only to those concerned 'coz it's not for everyone's consumption.) I really did not get the whole story, and I hope I got the wrong impression. I miss those times and I pray that things will get better.

And so it's 7:30 pm and I had to go home to attend Kuya Lala's birthday party. With me are refreshed memories of my high school days spent in my second home here in Quezon.

Shame on You, Jamby Madrigal!!!

2009-08-06T11:44:00.011+08:00

I saw Jim Paredes' tweet with a link about what Jamby Madrigal did during Cory Aquino's funeral. It's a facebook blog post revealing that the politician distributed yellow bracelets to people at the funeral WITH HER (JAMBY's) PHOTO. This made my heart burn with anger. Another human being with no conscience. The whole nation will remember this evil thing you've done come the next election! You don't deserve our vote!

Hindi lang yan. I saw another politician shaking hands with people, flashing his sweet, endearing smile. Nangangampanya at nagpapabango ng pangalan habang nagluluksa tayong lahat sa pagkamatay ni Pres. Cory. Talaga bang wala kayong konsensya? Kampanya sa funeral procession? Evil! So evil! Hindi ko kayo iboboto, at kahit konti lang ang kilala kong botante, ikakampanya ko na wag kayong suportahan. Asan ba ang konsensya nyo???

Attached are photos of the bracelet. This was taken and posted by the person who wrote the blog on Facebook. I do not intend to use it for my own benefit. I just want readers to know.

My Expression of Outrage to the Ruthless Willie Revillame

2009-08-06T10:21:00.004+08:00

I read an article online, saying that on August 3, 2009, during Willie's show "Wowowee" (which I NEVER and will NEVER watch in my lifetime), the live coverage of President Cory's cortege being transferred from LSGH to Manila Cathedral was inserted. That guy with nothing but a rotten reputation stopped the airing and said on national TV: “’Di po maganda. Nagsasaya kami dito habang nagluluksa ang sambayanang Pilipino. ’Di ko magagampanan ang pagpapatawa habang ipinapakita ang libing ng dating presidente.” (“It’s not good for us to have fun here while the whole country grieves. I cannot make people laugh at the same time that this part of the funeral of our former president is being shown.”). Many haters reacted negatively, which is just a perfect and natural reaction. My own personal reaction is this feeling of outrage against the demon in him. I really hate Willie, and that remark made me hate him even more. I wonder where he was during the EDSA Revolution. I wonder if he has ever been grateful for the democracy that was won for us by Tita Cory. Didn't he even realize that the Freedom of Speech and Expression he is utilizing - and oftentimes abusing - now was born out of Ninoy and Cory's heroism? Hurting people's feelings is his way to popularity. He's making money out of it. Well, I hope he earns enough money to buy back his conscience.

Send My Love to Heaven

2009-07-03T10:48:00.006+08:00

I first learned about this story from my classmate in college. One of the most touching love stories ever written. I got the chance to read it again by searching the web. I hope the author won't get mad at me for having posted it here. Here it goes....

_____________

What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten... that I love the way she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show...

She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she's pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love. I could still remember the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to a neighboring state at transfer because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when came out the loveliest girl I've ever seen.

She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back and then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, "Would you like to come up?" she answered, "May I?" So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, "By the way, my name's Sam, what's yours?" I answered, "My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris." She smiled and said, "Well I like your name. Hey your tree house's neat!" then I replied, "Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know." She smiled and said "I'm here now, we could do things you do with Troy and I could be your new best friend too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?" I smiled and said, "Well that sounds good enough." Then she held her hand and said, "It's a deal then!"

So that's how it started. So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a week's allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.

The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other's dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.

As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.

Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I'd try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I'm taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden.

We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance with mixed feelings of anger and hurt! Because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team to which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I'm feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy. Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. Every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there's a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him. As she passes by me she doesn't know that I whisper the words "God how I love you."

Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up with their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.

So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart. So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn't bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her, "I love her". So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.

It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, "I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?" It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, "I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?" So she turned away and quietly said, "Well I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend." Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, "Don't you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?" I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We… we're silent for a while until I finally whispered, "I would be happy to be your partner Sam. "The she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, "Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!”I ran slowed up so that I would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.

Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam's mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, "How do I look?" I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered, "To the loveliest girl in the whole world." She then asked, "Is that true?" I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her. When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said, "Would you give me the honor of your first dance?" She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the dance floor. It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven't done it.

We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that she doesn't know. So I went to search for her. As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon's silvery light. They were so close to each other that I could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress that Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium.

Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn't return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. In the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.

The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me, there was something in her eyes I couldn't describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn't the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away from me.

So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I'm worthy of having her.

It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her. I reached their house; I saw her elder sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn't smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lady just like my dear Sam. I then asked, "Hi Jen! I guess you're surprised why I'm here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Mmm… by the way have you seen her?" All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly "Come follow me."

I was confused with the way she's acting but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but she just answered my question briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree, Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It's been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. Then Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, "There's Sam."

I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up. I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and she slowly started saying, "It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regards this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this." She handed me a parcel and with that she left.

I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading........

******************************

I know… by this time you read this letter I'm gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed each day that's why the happiest days of my life was… when you were by my side. You just don't know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you were with me. When you were away, I can't stop crying because I was afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can't bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that's how I feel.

Each time, you held me close to you, was like a dream coming true, for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was like heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you're in love with me too. So many nights I've cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I'm saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love. I know you might be thinking of Mark; but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know… how you would react and with that I'll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn't give me any clue. When our prom night came, you just don't know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn't want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it's you whom I really love.

What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I've experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you… how much I loved you but I decided that I just couldn't do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left.

Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, but still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone.

P.S.: Think of me sometimes... and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

************************************

I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, "Oh God, send my love to heaven."

The Drama Queen Who Shed Real Tears

2009-06-23T19:32:00.005+08:00

I am a self-confessed drama queen. I cry over silly movies and TV shows, documentaries, and even TV commercials. Sometimes, I cry over difficult lessons and unbearable workload. I cry when I get stranded alone on a stormy night. I cry over sentimental songs, poems and storybooks. I shed tears over almost everything that touches my emotions even to the slightest degree. Crying has become my comfort blanket, the magic carpet that I use to escape from pain. Tears work as my potion against even the smallest dark spot inside. My life has been melodramatic. I am a drama queen.

I thought it was a good thing. I was told that crying lengthens your life because you release the tension that would otherwise give you heart attack. I read a quote saying that tears clear our vision. And so I thought there's nothing wrong with it.

But there is.

I messed up with and brought trouble to someone's life. I got hurt... maybe not as deep and serious as those emotional wounds that would make anybody else cry, but it was real pain for me. I felt that yesterday's bliss had gone so far away. And so I cried though I didn't intend to. Then I opened my eyes and realized that people think this is another broadway drama they are watching... that after a few moments I would put my tears into a sudden stop and laugh as if nothing happened. It was a joke. I am a joke. When a joker tells something serious, people hardly believe. When the boy cried "wolf!" for the third time, nobody came over to rescue him. The same fate happened to me. I feel so ashamed... so stupid.

I cry for shallow reasons, but I never fake it. All my tears are real. But then... would people believe me? I bet they won't, so I have to stop and join them in thinking that this is nothing but a soap opera. So much for being a drama queen.

The Best Set of Advices I Ever Received

2009-06-09T16:33:00.003+08:00

(lifted from my FB notes, dated May 2, 2009)

Since it's our Moms' month, let me share with you the letter made by my Mom for me during our High School recollection 9 years ago. I got this idea from Rochelle. If only I had followed everything said in this letter... things wouldn't have gone this complicated. Sa lovelife lang naman ako pasaway. Hehe...

Here it is...

March 24, 2000

Eden,

First of all, let me greet you for all your achievements. It was year 1983 when you saw the first light in this world. Your father and I were both happy. We raised you well and did our best to give you the best education we can afford. And we were indeed very lucky because since you started your elementary, and now finishing your secondary education, we saw you being developed as a potential leader. you have also proven your intelligence through numerous honors and awards that you brought home.

I konw that you noticed that when you were in your grade school, I seldom helped you in your studies, assignments and projects. And during your high school days, I totally left you alone doing all those things for yourself. Now you have to know why I've done this. That's my way of training you to be independent, strong, and can decide for yourself. These traits will serve as your shield in your college life which you decided to pursue in another place, where you will be alone and far from your parents and wherein there will be stiffer competition.

Being born under the zodiac sign Leo and coincidentally during the year when our country was openly fighting against the dictatorship that paved the way to the famous EDSA revolution, I know you have developed such a strong personality. Added to these are the challenges, competitions and intrigues that surrounded you which rooted since your elementary days. You know I pity you for all those experiences. Just charge it to experience. Now I know, you are ready and much prepared for tougher challenges of life ahead. Always look back and remember all your elementary and high school mentors and tormentors. The first, who are very supportive and fair enough to you, and the others, who have caused you embarrassments and sufferings, because they both made your life with them more colorful.

Now you have finished your high school and soon will receive your diploma. I know you have had memorable moments of high school life. Everybody says that high school is the happiest part of being a student, and you know that I didn't deprive you with that opportunity. I let you join your friends everywhere you like, meeting others somewhere. Hopefully, you will now take your studies seriously because your college life will decide who you will be someday.

With respect to your character and attitude, this is all I can say. Maintain your friendliness, but again I advise you to be extra careful with friends around you. You have already several experiences about friends who only approach you when they are in need or seeking favor and help from you, but turn their back on you when you are in need even for just moral support. Select true friends. Also, avoid being hard-headed and watch your carelessness especially on your personal things.

As to your lovelife, take this word seriously from me. You have already tried having a boyfriend. You have now experienced the happiness and heartaches of such relationship. Treat that as a lesson. You are still young, beautiful and a very intelligent girl. Concentrate on your studies first. Mind must prevail over the heart if you really want to fulfill your ambition. Don't ever cry for a man. Let them cry on you. Be wise in handling such relationships.

As to our family relationship, I hope you will maintain the open communication we have established since you were a child, of telling me everything. No secret. Remember, I'm your mother and your best friend. Rest assured that I'll always be at your side to support you, guide you, and encourage you. I love you and I'm very proud of you.

Nanay

Her advices may sound rude, but that was her way of telling me to be tough because life is not easy. Only the strong survives. She's right. Whenever I stumble and fall, I find my way back to her letter and realize that there's an advice I did not follow. My Mom is the epitome of strength and passion. Her stand against challenges and how she fights for her principles are not unknown in our town. That's yet another story to share, which I already did to some of my friends.

I LOVE YOU, NANAY!!!

Mga Lola Sa Jeep

2009-06-09T16:32:00.001+08:00

(lifted from my FB notes, dated April 17, 2009)

Kanina sa tapat ng UST, sumakay ako ng jeep pauwe sa amin. Me 2 pasahero, isa sa unahan, lalaki, mga 20 years old siguro. Hindi sya cute. Char! Tungkol sa kanya ung kwento pero hindi sya ang bida. Ung isa pang pasahero na tatawagin nateng si Lola#1.. sya ang bonggang bonggang tauhan. Uunahan ko na kayo ha. Walang sense ang kwentong 'to, natawa lang talaga ako.

Di ko naman intensyong panoorin si Lola#1. Me sarili akong mundo sa jeep, at music lang ng cellphone ko ang naririnig ko. Nagsimula lang 'to sa me Ramon Magsaysay, nung me sumakay na manong na me dalang box. Nasa me pinto ako, tapos si Lola#1 malapit sa driver. Nung magbabayad na si Manong, umasa syang aabutin ni Lola#1 ung bayad nya. Pero ang malditang Lola, tinitigan lang ng masama ung pera. 1 minuto ata bago nakaramdam si Manong na ayaw ni Lola#1 sa gusto nya mangyari. So may-I-move-forward si Manong at sya na ung nag-abot ng bayad. Panalo si Lola#1!

Parang ako lang... Pag wala ako sa mood, kunwari wala akong naririnig pag me nagpapaabot ng bayad. Hehe...

Tapos na ang kwento ni Lola#1 with Manong. Bumaba na si Manong paglampas ng Vicente Cruz.

Syang sakay naman ni Lola#2. Ayan! Kaya me Lola#1 kc me Lola#2. Wala rin syang kamalay-malay na tatarayan sya ni Lola#1. Sya kc e!

Ganito...

Si not-cute-boy na nasa unahan, nagtanong kay manong driver. Di ko naman narinig ung tanong. Ang narinig ko ung biglang nagsalita si Lola#2. Lakas ng boses e.

"Lampas na yun. Ang layo mo na. Bumaba ka at tumawid ka sa kabila. Sa Forbes, andun ung mga jeep papuntang Tayuman. Mapapalayo ka pa kung sa rotonda ka bababa kaya ngayon ka na bumaba."

Me point. Sumunod si lalaki. "Tumawid ka!" follow-up bilin ni Lola#2 nung nakababa na si Kuya.

Medyo hyper pala si Lola#2. Me mga bilin pa sa masang Pilipino. "Pag hindi mo alam ang daan, magtanong ka sa driver. Hindi naman lahat maaalala ng driver kung saan bababa. Ikaw yung may alam na hindi mo alam ung daan, ikaw ang magtanong. Ang hindi nagtatanong ay tanga." Take note: mag-isang sumakay si Lola#2. Wala syang kasama. Wala syang kausap.

Nagising ang katarayan ni Lola#1. Hinarap si Lola#2.

"Ikaw, tanga ka ba? Nagtatanong ka naman ano? E di hindi ka pala tanga", sabi ni Lola#1. Nagulat ako sa bonggang bonggang statement nya, at sa isip ko humahalakhak na ako. Off muna ang music. Exciting 'to.

"Oo, nagtatanong ako. Noong bago ako dito sa Maynila nagtatanong ako", sagot ni Lola#2. Feeling ko di pa nya gets na binara sya ni Lola#1.

"Tagasaan ka ba? Bago ka rin pala sa Maynila e. Mabuti naman at hindi ka pala tanga", hirit ni Lola#1. Feeling ko medyo nakaramdam na si Lola#2 kaya ang sagot nya ay...

"Leyte. Bisaya. Waray. Matapang."

"Nakakatakot ka pala", sagot ni Lola#1.

"Teacher ako", sabi ni Lola#2, at hindi ko alam kung anung koneksyon nun sa pagiging nakakatakot. Meron ba?

"Me increase daw kayong P9,000 ah", kantyaw ni Lola#1.

"Meron. Ipinaglaban namin yun. Me party list na ang mga guro, para mapagtanggol ang karapatan namin. Pati government employees meron na rin sa susunod na eleksyon." Ngayon nangampanya na si Lola#2. Ang dami nyang sinabi na di ko na lahat matandaan. Basta tungkol sa party-list. Kahit ako nairita, pero mas nangibabaw ung feeling na natatawa... at naghihintay ng susunod na banat ni Lola#1.

Si Lolo Driver natatawa din, pero hindi sumasabat sa usapan. Young-at-heart ito, ayaw makiuso.

Di na rin siguro kinaya ni Lola#1. Isang lingon sabay sabi ng "Blowout! Balato" at tumalikod. Di na nya ulit pinansin si Lola#2 hanggang makababa. Akala ko pa naman magiging friends sila at magpapalitan ng cel number.

Andun pa rin si Lola#2 nung me sumakay pang 2 lola. Tapos na ang barahan nun. Naisip ko lang. Makikisali rin kaya sila kung naabutan nila ung comedy act?

O di ba walang sense? Natawa lang talaga ako. Sa tingin nyo, sino ang panalo at kanino ako mas naaliw? Hehehe...

Sleepless Nights and Mental Torture

2009-03-28T22:02:00.004+08:00

Mas masaya kung Taglish.

First and only quiz. Steady lang. Shoot!

Midterm. Masaya naman ata lahat paglabas ng room. Result. Kagulat-gulat. Since then, lahat kame hindi na mapakali. Sari-saring manifestations, pero iisa ang realization... Maling akala.

After a week or so, magkakaiba na ang aura. Yung iba, tanggap na daw nila na uulet sila. Me iba naman na parang walang nangyari, tuloy ang buhay. Meron namang iba na pagpatak ng 1pm, nakasubsob na sa gray na codal at hindi mo alam kung humihinga pa. Saan ka dun, classmate?

Ako? Dun ata ako sa pangalawa... on the outside. Sa loob ko, hindi ako mapakali. For like three weeks, umiiyak ako. Tinalo nito lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko sa lahat ng break-ups na dinanas ko. Ang break-up kasi pwede mo isumbat sa ex mong walang kwenta. Pwede mo ring sabihin sa sarili mo na makakahanap ka rin ng iba. Pero ito? Ang hirap tanggapin na posible pala. Hindi pala laging masaya. It's not always a sunny day, sabi ko nga. Hindi pala laging ako.

Nag-devise ako ng isang napakaganda at bonggang bonggang plan para sa finals. Pero hindi ko kayang kontrolin ang mundo. Ang trabaho ay trabaho. Hindi titigil ang paggulong ng pera at pag-usad ng ekonomiya dahil malapit na ang finals ko. Madalas pa nga, napapasobra naman ata ang ekonomiyang yan. Anung petsa na, nasa office pa tayo? Mahirap talaga maging working student, lalo na kung hindi ka lang basta nangangarap "makalusot". Kulang pala ung line sa Spiderman na "with great power comes great responsibility". Me kasunod pala ito. "With great responsibility comes great risks." Nariyang magkasakit, pumasok ng walang alam at matuto ng kung anu-anung dasal wag lang matawag sa recit, at me bonggang collapse moment pa sa MRT.

Sa bagay na yan, sari-sari din ang opinyon. Merong nagsasabing "Ganyan talaga. Tiis." Meron din namang nagsasabing "Sino naman ang me sabi sa 'yong magtrabaho ka?" Mas nakakainis pakinggan yung una, pero mas nilalabanan ko yung pangalawa. Sayang kasi.

Balik tayo sa plano ko. Hindi natupad ang timetable ko. Kung jowa ko ang mga libro at reviewers ko, malamang inisplitan na nila ako dahil wala akong time sa kanila. But still, God is good. Kahit paano nagkaroon ako ng 3 days para mag-review.

Aral. Aral. Aral. Facebook. YM. Aral. Aral. Facebook. YM. Aral. Aral. Aral.

Aba syempre kelangan ko rin naman ng pahinga para sa utak kong pagod na pagod na. Otherwise, baka sumabog ito at hindi ko na naman alam kung saan ko pupulutin lahat ng kalat pag nangyari yun.

Yung mga facebook friends and supporters ko, nagsawa na lang kaka-goodluck sa akin.

Friday, 1pm. Ayan na, ang makasaysayang text message ni Doris... "In 24 hours". Natoxic ako for like an hour or so. Pero ang pasaway kong kukote biglang me nakitang ibang angle. Hmm... 24 hours PA pala. Hala! Tuluyan na akong nilamon ng katamaran.

Facebook. Facebook. YM. Tulog. Aral. Facebook. Facebook. Aral.

10pm. Simula na ng countdown. Isinantabi ko ang laptop ko. Pero naka-online pa rin ako sa mobile. Hehe...

12pm. Low batt na sa wakas ang phone ko, at hindi talaga ako nag-charge para walang temptation.

2am. Hindi na kaya ng powers ko. Hello bed!

6am. Pagbangon ko pa lang, kinanta na ng utak at puso ko ang...

"This is the moment, my final test. Destiny beckoned, I never reckoned second best..."

"I believe in the impossible, if I reach deep within my heart. Overcome any obstacle, won't let this dream just fall apart. You see I strive to be the very best, share my life for all to see. Coz anything is possible... When you believe..."

AMEN!

After breakfast, uminom pa ako ng SlimFit na nabili ko last week sa 7-11. Symbolic ang pag-inom ko nyan. It's like telling myself to smile dahil malapit na ang summer. I have to be lean and sexy. Ayun un e! Anu't ano man ang mangyari, dapat pretty-prettyhan pa rin. Pero sana naging potion na lang un, tipong pag ininom ko yun e mamememorize ko lahat from Rules 1-72. Kung yan lang ba ang usapan, e kahit malasing ako walang problema! Kampay!

While dressing up, nagawa ko pang kumanta at sumayaw. Naisip ko tuloy, kung nag-artista kaya ako? Mas me time kaya ako mag-aral? Haha! Parang me kamatis na tumilapon sa sahig. Tinigilan ko na. Tapos ang last song e "Fallin". Nag-freak out tuloy ako. Anu ibig sabihin nito? Babagsak ako? Hindi pwede. So nag-extend pa ako for another song, pampawala ng signos. "You should know by now". Aba talagang nananadya no? Oo na, nagbasa naman ako.

On my way to school, na-traffic ako. Pero bawal uminit ang ulo. Bawal masira ang araw. Hinga ng malalim. Ok lang yan.

Pagdating sa school, wala naman akong makausap so aral-aralan na lang. Nakakatoxic! Hanggang sa dumating na si Doris. Nakahanap ako ng karamay. DALDAL! HALA! DALDAL PA!

Ayan na! 3pm dumating si Sir. 38 students pala kame, nabasa ko sa bundle ng test booklets. 38 plus si Sir... 39. Rule 39 - EXECUTION! Ganyang ganyan ang pakiramdam namen.

Hindi ko na sasabihin kung anung klaseng exam ito dahil baka magmukhang samplex pa 'tong blog ko at masyado akong sumikat. Basta nakakagulat! Hindi ko masabing mahirap dahil hindi kinailangan ng memorization. Pero na-test talaga ang over-all knowledge namin. Ang problema e kung me knowledge nga ba na iti-test. Basta ang alam ko, sinulat ko lahat ng maisip ko. Bahala na.

Paglabas ko ng room, baon ko ang alaala nina Rizalina, Julieta, Gloria at JNS Corporation. Yung mga classmates kong tapos na mag-test, mga nakangiti naman. Hindi ko alam kung anu iniisip nila, at lalong di ko alam kung ano ang sagot nila. Pero me common sa mga pagmumukha nameng lahat. Sense of relief. Tapos na. Sana pumasa ako. Sana pumasa kaming lahat, para masabi na talaga namen with finality... TAPOS NA.

God bless us all!

Epal footnote:

Despite the sleepless nights and mental torture, I learned to love this subject so much. Favorite subject ko na ito. Pero love ko pa rin ang Persons... at alam ko na ang reaction nina Doris at Jhack dito. "Eds, ung pagkagusto mo naman sa Persons e me halong ibang pagmamahal." Haha! Well... ayun nga. I love Civ Pro! Pero wag na tayo magkita ulet ha. "When you love someone, set her free." Hehehe...

Don't worry, Jhack. This subject is worth all the risks. You'll get to love it as much as we do.

Sourgrapes

2008-12-19T15:18:00.007+08:00

Last week, I had time to visit some of my friends' profiles in a virtual rendezvous of almost everyone in my generation (and even those of earlier ones and - come to think of it - even babies) - commonly and popularly known as FRIENDSTER. Here are the common things that surfaced right before my very eyes:

1. Many have gone to places - from Bora, to Hongkong, to the US, and to Europe.

2. Cafes and restaurants are favorites for backdrops.

3. Reunion pictures are common things to behold.

4. Many have either their wedding shot or a pose with a baby (which, i suppose, is theirs) for their primary photo.

5. Every is (or seems to be) happy and content with how things are going on with their lives.

That moment brought me back to the time when everything was simple... when a hundred bucks is a treasure... when we didn't care about anything else but our recitations, examinations... and the "bottle session" after that... when I was still "in".

Now... the only albums that have my face on it are those of my officemates and classmates in law school... during official office or school activities.

I must admit that I miss those years when I was still part of the big crowd... when there was never a party without me... when I was with people I call friends... doing things that other people might have perceived as nonsense. Given the chance, I would love to do it all again with my friends.

But no such chance is being given to me. I spend my days trying to do everything at work within 8 hours... but not so I could rest or go somewhere fun like everyone else. I do that because my law books are waiting for me at home. I curse myself whenever I sleep for more than 4 hours a day, because I shouldn't. I practically bid farewell to my old self. I turned by back on my easy life and lost the things that made me happy over the years.

But the weird thing is: I AM HAPPY.

While everybody travels, I am having my own journey to the profession I have been dreaming of since I was 10. While everybody is raving about the latest novel in town, I read books and countless cases. People might see me complaining, but deep down inside, I love doing it.

While everyone else is having coffee or dinner with friends, I am sipping my own cup of coffee in the company of distinguished authors and justices. Someday, I will be one of them.

For now, I can't attend those reunions... but someday I'll get to be invited as the guest of honor in important events, and that will give my secretary a hard time trying to fit all those invitations in my schedule. Of course I'll have time for reunions by then.

I may still be single, but I have the best boyfriend in the world, who stays by my side even though it requires extra patience and understading on his part, who lightens up my days no matter how frustrating things might be, who lets me rest in his loving arms whenever I get knocked out by all those things that exhaust my energy, who compensates for the impossibility of me being with my friends... and who is just waiting for the right time to marry me.

No question about it. I am happy.

The sweet truth is... I never really gave up all those things. I just put them on hold. I never really lost my friends. They are still there, and I know they understand. At the end of the day, I'll get to have the best of both worlds.

These grapes are not sour, after all.

You Can't Stop the Beat

2008-11-30T21:16:00.026+08:00

Check out the videos of my performance for MSSC Musical 2008. I'll do the writeup later... maybe on summer vacation. hehehe...

Part 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA3yml1a0gQ

Part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feEpGIjOzuE

Part 3:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=et0oQ5p3fuA

Part 4:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw7ljx2LENs

Part 5:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH16vSGuztM

... and here are some photos!

THE LEADS

It was a great honor to be chosen for this role, and lead a team of talented and fabulous hairspray people!

Maan was, at the same time, our over-all coordinator. For the love of the team, she dared to sing and dance, though at first her task was just to organize the team and to arrange everything.

Dein represented - and made proud - our partner team, HR. He is so talented. He bagged the "best actor" award. congratulations, Dein!

Yumi danced like a pro. She's a gem in the team!

My leading man is such a nice catch for NAAP. This is his very first project (he was a new hire then) and he did great! We became very close friends after the show.

THE NICEST KIDS IN TOWN

These dancers added vibe and life to our musical. It wouldn't be quite "hairspray" without the nicest kids in town!

JUST BEFORE WE DID BIG!!!

With JR and Rose, my "transformers"

vocalization

THE ACTUAL PERFORMANCE

Good morning Baltimore!

Nicest kids in town; ladies' choice

Welcome to the 60s

You can't stop the beat!

Stepping into reality...

2008-11-27T09:22:00.004+08:00

It's not the usual short love story that I used to write... In fact, I am... I have to... say goodbye to it. I was able to write those stories because I had time for literary works, movies, TV and, most of all, friends who fed me with their own stories.

I must admit that things have radically changed. No more of those stuff I used to be into. Law school changed me. Not only did it put me into reading my thick books and carrying them all the time... but it fed me with real stories. With that, I mean the countless cases that I read... Ok, include the juicy stories about people in the campus (professors, in particular. hehe...) in the count.

I came to write this stuff because I have been trying to write stories the way I used to do. But when I visited this blog today, I found many drafts... like lonely hearts waiting to live happily ever after. Instead of leaving them all hanging, I decided to put an end to their waiting. I deleted all those unfinished work.

Now, it's all reality... But at least it will now be all about me... plain and simple. Not that I despise myself for studying law... I just miss what I used to do. But the thrill and excitement of my life as a law student, and the anticipation of passing the bar and savoring the prestige of the legal profession, just outweigh all the longing.

Join me as I venture into blogging in a different way...

When I become a lawyer... I'll see if my clients' stories would be able to inspire me to write again... without disclosing their identity, of course. I know what I'd be liable for.

Letting go...

2008-02-04T06:16:00.002+08:00

Today, the battle ends…
But no one emerges with victory.
All are wounded… all are in pain.
Everybody gets hurt in order to be right.

I shall stop fighting against myself
For you… the very reason for the fight…
The very weapon in my hands…
Is not mine to use…
Is never mine to keep.

You…
A spirit as tranquil as the lush green plains…
Like a precious diamond you sparkle…
So pure… so perfect…
How could you be so real?

Who am I to have you?
Who am I to hold you?

I…
The sun at mid day that dries up the lush green plains…
The dust that tarnishes the diamond…
So broken and shattered…
So real…

You’ve given me strength…
And letting go weakens me inside
Tearing me into pieces…

You wanted to keep me…
But as your grip tightens… your hands begin to bleed…
Yet you still hold me with your loving arms…
It hurts me even more…

So today I am letting go…
Not because I don’t love you…
But because I care…
I care for you so much…
So much more than I ever care for myself.

Not that you are not enough for me…
But because I will never be enough for you…
The love that you can give…
Is never mine to receive…
You need more… and I can never give you more…
I have nothing more to give…
Because I’m nothing.

Fly away to where you belong…
For this lonely heart is not your home…
Hell is not meant for angels to dwell…

I shall watch you from afar
As I pick up the shattered pieces of myself.
That’s how the universe must be
Balanced… in harmony.

You are a beautiful melody…
But not if you’re with me.

Be the most beautiful song that I never could sing…
The most beautiful star I could never wish on…
The most beautiful dream I could never realize.

Kawawa ka naman... ikaw kasi e!

2007-11-15T13:22:00.001+08:00

Umagang-umaga nagpi-friendster ka. Me hinihintay ka bang "new friend request"? O baka naman message ang hinihintay mo? Di naman kaya umaasa kang titingnan nya ang profile mo, kaya panay ang tingin mo sa "who's viewed me"? Asa ka pa!

Teka, bakit mo ba sya hinihintay? Me usapan ba kayo? Nagkita ba kayo lately tapos sinabihan mo syang i-invite ka nya sa friendster? Hindi naman di ba? In fact, hindi ka nga sigurado kung naaalala ka pa nya, o kung masaya ba sya pag naaalala ka nya.

Wala ka ng choice, at naiinip ka na rin. So this is it. Feeling mo kailangan mo gawin to. Nagdadalawang-isip ka pa kc makikita ka nya sa "who's viewed me". Kunwari ka pa! Gusto mo naman e. Gusto mong magparamdam. Gusto mong malaman nya na buhay ka pa.

Hinanap mo sya... pero hindi mo makita. Asan na kaya sya? Naku... baka simula nung nawala ka hindi na rin sya nag-friendster. GANUN? So importante ka pa rin sa kanya? E bakit wala na sya?

Next step. Tiningnan mo ang friendster ng mga kaibigan nya. Sa wakas, me napala ka rin... un nga lang.

Kawawa ka naman... Sa picture mo na lang sya nakikita ngayon, at kailangan mo makuntento dahil wala ng ibang paraan. Buti na lang pwede ng maraming pictures sa friendster ngayon... at buti na lang kahit paano e naeextra sya sa mga pictures ng barkada nya.

Kawawa ka naman... hanggang tingin ka na lang. Samantalang dati ang lapit nya. Feeling mo naman ganun ka kaganda para hindi nya magawang iwan ka. Asan ka ngayon?

Kawawa ka naman... tinitingnan mo syang nakangiti kasama ng ibang tao. Ang saya-saya. Ganyan din sya ngumiti noon pag kasama ka nya.

Kawawa ka naman... dati kahit anong oras mo sya kailanganin hindi ka nagdadalawang-salita. Ngayon nagtyatyaga kang i-save lahat ng pictures nya para lang kahit paano makita mo sya lagi.

Kawawa ka naman... dati kasa-kasama mo sya. Pakiramdam mo me mali sa mga pictures na tinitingnan mo. Parang dapat ikaw ang katabi nya. Ginawan mo ngayon ng paraan... itinabi mo ung picture mo sa picture nyang dinekwat mo sa friendster.

Eew! Dapat ka na bang tawaging desperada? Hindi naman siguro. Baka mas dapat kang tawaging TANGA!

Baket?

Ikaw kasi e... Minahal ka nya. Sabi nya he never knew about love till he found you. Alam mong totoo un dahil ikaw ang unang minahal nya... pero ikaw rin ang unang nanakit sa kanya.

Ikaw kasi e... Sumuko ka. Isang away-bata lang sumuko ka na agad. Sabagay, bata pa kayo nun. Pero alam mong pwede mo pang bawiin nung nakita mo syang umiiyak at humihingi ng tawad. Pero matigas ang ulo mo.

Ikaw kasi e... Mainipin ka. Minadali mo ang lahat. Minadali mong tuparin nya ung pangako nyang magiging kayo ulet. At nung di ka makahintay, humanap ka ng iba. Me nahanap ka ba? Siguro meron... marami. Ang tanong: meron bang kahit isang pumalit sa kanya? Aba ewan ko! Basta ang alam ko hanggang ngayon hindi ka pa rin masaya.

Ikaw kasi e... Hindi ka nagtiwala. Ilang beses syang lumapit sa 'yo. Lagi syang nasa tabi mo, naghihintay na sya naman ang mapansin mo. Ready na sya e. Pero hindi mo sya tinanggap dahil natatakot kang ikaw naman ang iwan nya. Ang tanga mo! Tingin mo magtyatyaga sya ng ganun katagal para lang lokohin ka. Tsk, tsk, tsk... illogical.

Ikaw kasi e...

Yan tuloy, sumuko sya. Napagod sya. Humanap sya ng iba. Malas mo, nakakita sya.

Pero hindi pa rin un e. Alam mong me pag-asa pa, pero dahil lang nasaktan ka nung nalaman mong me nakita na sya, lumayo ka ulet. Pagmamahal? Pagpaparaya? NO! Pride ang tawag jan. Alam mo namang ikaw pa rin ang pipiliin nya, hindi ka man lang lumaban at naghintay. Lumayo ka dahil pakiramdam mo niloko ka nya. Paano naman ung ilang taong pinaasa mo sya?

Huli na nung ma-realize mo... last chance na pala ung pinalampas mo.

Ngayon wala na sya. Hindi mo alam kung paano sya hahanapin. Di mo rin alam kung hinihintay ka nya. Hindi mo matanggap na posibleng me iba na talaga sya. Pero kailangan mo tanggapin... the same way na tinanggap nya ng maraming beses na me iba ka na.

Ngayon naiiyak ka. Di mo rin kasi matanggap na totoo lahat ng sinasabi ko. Pero pinipigil mo pa rin ang luha mo, kasi hindi mo sigurado kung me karapatan kang umiyak. Ikaw ang me gusto nito. Bakit ka iiyak?

Sabi nila masakit daw magpakatanga sa taong mahal na mahal mo pero hindi ka naman mahal. Pero sa nakikita ko, mas masakit ata ung minahal ka nung tao, pero naging tanga ka at pinabayaan mo sya. Paano ko nasabi? E nagkakaganyan ka e!

Kawawa ka naman... Ikaw kasi e!

Ang Ating Musika

2007-11-12T16:08:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday, November 9, 2007, I watched "Ang Ating Musika", a minor concert of no less than my idol, Regine Velasquez, at the Aliw Theatre. I was with Emerson, my bf. It started at around 9:30. Fortunately, we were able to reserve seats at Row I (patron).

Before the show started, the national anthem was sung by someone from the background. I think it was Kyla. The concert was jumpstarted by a medley of "Kayganda ng Ating Musika", another song which I am not familiar with, and "Limang Dipang Tao". Regine came in her very elegant white gown, riding a tricycle! Cool!

She sung only OPM songs. She had her rendition of songs by Willy Cruz, Ryan Cayabyab, Odette Quesada, Gary V, Freddie Aguilar, Jose Mari Chan, and many others. As expected, she delivered all the songs very well. Regine never fails to stun her audience. Her guests were also good. They had Jed Madela, PPS girls, and my second favorite, Kyla. While watching the show, I realized that I am an OPM-lover. I know almost all the songs, and I'm proud of it. Shame on those Filipinos who find OPM songs "baduy". Filipinos are great in music! We have countless great songs that we can be proud of.
This is not the best Regine concert that I have watched. Well, it's just a minor concert. The best for me is still R2K. But this is soo good! And what made it special? Well... I GOT HOLD OF REGINE'S HAND FOR ABOUT 2 SECONDS!!!!

Call me "corny", "mababaw" or anything, but this means so much to me as a die-hard fan. I am a regine fanatic. She has been my idol, my favorite, my inspiration, since I was a kid. I grew up singing her songs. I strived to develop my voice because I wanted to sing her songs. I wanted to be like her. She practically helped me nourish my talent, even if she is not aware of it. And up to now, no one still compares to her. Her songs keep me company whenever I am sad, whenever I am angry.... and just whenever I want to. So this moment is so precious to me.

Here's how it happened.

After she sang what everyone thought to be her last song, people approached the stage because ogie was there. I also went there for a chance to have a shot with ogie. I don't like him but I felt that it was the next best thing because regine was already at the backstage. And then... woohoo!!! Regine reappeared and sang a couple of dance songs. I went further till I reached the stage... and then wow! I was able to shake hands with her. OMG! I can't explain the feeling. All I know is that I am happy... but I guess this is more than happiness.

I am a Regine fanatic... and I will always be. I LOVE YOU SONGBIRD!!!!

I did the right thing...

2007-11-08T14:47:00.002+08:00

I am sitting at the farthest seat... seeing him from afar. I don't know what kind of emotion dwells inside me. How would you call a feeling which is a mix of failure and success, of regret and triumph, of having lost and having found? Whatever it is, it lingers all over me, travelling through my veins, giving me that cold, uneasy feeling inside.

I met him in this very same place. We were singing, while he was playing the keyboards, teaching us. During breaktimes he would share stories with us, laugh with us, and sometimes just sat there with us. I loved laughing at his jokes. I loved listening to whatever he said. Moments with him were never boring... He has this aura and tone that will make you want to always listen to him.

There are many things to like about him.... but I liked it most when he would play the keyboards from his heart. He puts his soul into his music. Every sound he produces from those ebony and ivory keys is an expression of his inner self. But not everyone noticed it the way I did... that's why no one but me looked at him so deeply. No one but me listened to his music so eagerly.

Later, he made me understand why I loved his music. Not only could I relate to it... It speaks of me. His notes, his words, his movements, everything I saw and liked about him, was all about me. He loved me... He loved me so much and it was the only way he could let his feelings out. His songs spoke of hope, pain and confusion... Hope that someday we could be together. Pain because to have me he had to make a great sacrifice. Confusion because he didn't know if it was right to make such a sacrifice so we could be together.

He didn't tell me at first. But the power of his music reached my soul... Suddenly, I found my soul singing with him. I felt so connected to him. I found myself in love with him...

His plans changed. He used to be so determined to achieve his dream, but he decided to abandon his lifelong dream for me. He made that sacrifice of choosing me over the One who chose him. Then he had me.

At first it was a perfect relationship. He was my perfect guy and I was his perfect girl. Never was there a day when he didn't make me feel special. Even if we were so apart, he never failed to make me feel his love for me. It wasn't everyday that we communicated. In fact we seldom did. Perhaps it was the innate connection that made everything possible despite the distance and the odds. And in those very few stolen moments, we filled each minute with love so that our hearts would have something special to cherish.... until we could steal another moment for the two of us.

But reality is always there to wake us from our deep slumber. I fooled myself into thinking that we were building our dreams together, that I was really the one for him, that he belonged to my world, and that everything was just a preparation for my coming into his life. But everytime I looked at him, all I saw were still pain and confusion. I wasn't building his dream, I was destroying it. He does not belong to my world, because he was called for something more important. Everything did not happen in preparation for my coming into his life... The truth is, I was brought into his life to test the strength of his heart. I was a test that became a roadblock.

Then everything changed. It had to go back to its place, to where everything was before I came. He kept on telling me that he wanted to stay, that he didn't want to go back. But I felt fear in his words. Inside him was something different. I knew the Voice was so strong, and it is only his love for me that hindered him. He was so weak to do it, so I had to be strong for him. I had to be the one to decide. I did. I put an end to the two of us.

I saw him break down and cry. I heard him ask countless questions, and I saw him break down even more when he seemed to find no answer. I wanted to still be there for him, but I kept my distance because I knew that it was the right thing to do... and to still be with him even as a friend would make forgetting even more difficult for him. I had to go, and my leaving had to be as abrupt and as painful as I can. I wanted him to get hurt so that he could give up on romantic love and start to hate it. I wanted him to get mad at me so that it would be easier for him to let go and move on.

I went on with my life. At the start it was so difficult. But knowing that I did the right thing made it easier for me to deal with everything. Eventually, I bounced back to the wide world of mine, and became happy in it. There were still times when I think about him and what could have happened if I didn't end it. Would we still be together? Would he end up with another girl? Or would he be the one to break up to go on with his dream, and leave me in tears? But hearing news about him erased all those questions in my head. He did great in his journey... and he was just a few steps away from finally getting there. A few people who know about our past sometimes told me that he missed me, and that he still loved me. But I never dwelt on that thought. It would only bring back the pain, coupled with regret in the idea that I didn't make the right choice.

Now I'm still here in my place... Still seeing him from afar. He is there... at the altar, in white... raising the Holy Bread and Wine. He did it. He realized his plans, reached his dreams, and followed the Voice inside his heart. He is now a priest, and I am attending the Holy Mass that he celebrates. There used to be just him and me. Now, it is him, me, the other parishioners, and God. The mixed emotions I felt turned into feelings of pride, happiness and fulfillment. My sacrifice was paid off. His pain and tears were worth it. Finally...

As I stare into the image of Jesus Christ on the Cross behind him, I close my eyes and say a prayer to God, thanking Him for guiding us into the right track, for making me an instrument in strengthening his vocation, and for making everything all right. Then I open my eyes...and seeing him again, I tap my own shoulder and tell myself... I did the right thing.

So sick...

2007-11-08T14:20:00.001+08:00

Lately, I've been feeling so sick. I can't focus on my work. I can't find fulfillment in what I am doing. Fulfillment is something I have been struggling to find in this workplace. I used to think that finally being in the position that I am in is but one step below the peak of an accountant's career... this used to be my dream, or at least this is next to my ultimate dream. Dreams do come true... it did... and it happened so fast... so early.

But this is not the way I imagined it to be. The reality behind the prestige is a multitude of disappointments and frustrations. I was welcomed in the corporate world by competent persons, got exposed to challenges and competitions, and was very happy about it. I yearned for more... and it was given to me. But it came to me as a big surprise when when I looked around and found that no one is beside me. No one is there to lift me up, or at least give me a good fight so I could lift myself up. I thought I was climbing up, but then I came to realize that the road I'm walking on is flat and deserted. I went on, believing that somewhere ahead, another mountain would be there for me to climb. But instead.... I reached the dead end. I am going nowhere. What's next? Nothing.

Now I'm moving out. I have to take a few steps back to be able to get out of this dead end. I will return to the crossroads where I had already been, but this time, to choose another new path... Once again I will learn how to conform... then carve my own niche... and make a difference. I will have to go through what I call the "normal process", wherein everything shall happen gradually, and not as steadfast as the way things happened to me here. I will learn the movements step-by-step, and I will learn it with my heart, so that I could dance gracefully...

I really don't know how to wrap up these thoughts. Perhaps this is meant to be left this way... because this is not meant to be ended. It is a continuation of my pursuits for the realization of my dreams... I will walk through a new road with God beside me... and I will make it. I can make a difference...

Death Penalty

2007-09-25T09:57:00.003+08:00

Hi guys! I just wanna share with you the speech that I made for our debate on death penalty. Natuwa kasi ako. I have always been against death penalty, but I never thought I would come up with this one. Thanks to the writers whose articles I read and got my inputs from.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘an eye for an eye, and tooth for a tooth’. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. You have heard that it was said, ‘love your neighbor and hate your enemy’. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.”

Is it God’s will for men to shed another man’s blood for capital crimes? The Gospel of Matthew can never be written more clearly to state the way Jesus Christ Himself answered that question. Jesus Christ denounced the Talion Law by His very own simple rule: love thy enemy.

Many scriptures in the Old Testament may have favored death penalty. One may cling onto the verses in Genesis, Exodus, and other Old Testament books that supported the Jewish rule of lex talionis. During those times, the society was tumultuous. People were so indulged into sin. Immorality, killing and corruption were rampant. I am not exaggerating things but we must all admit that the world then was more inclined to evil than our world today. If the Talion law were effective, then why was there a need for God to send His only begotten Son to redeem the world?

Jesus Christ taught the people to “love thy enemy”, challenged the people who would throw stones at Magdalene, and upheld the principle of forgiveness, even to the extent of forgiving those who persecuted and executed him. We are called to be forgiving just like Him. This is the reason behind the firm stand of the Church against the capital punishment. I also raise the basic doctrine of the Church that man is created in the image and likeness of God. Abolition of death penalty is a practical and concrete recognition of the dignity of human being created in the image and likeness of God.

A more elementary basis of the Church’s stand against death penalty is the Ten Commandments, written by God’s own hands and given to Moses for him to spread it to the world and govern every human being. We are aware of the seventh Commandment, right? Thou shall not kill. Is there any exception that would justify death penalty? Did God provide a qualifying statement like “except if the person you would kill is a criminal?” The Commandment is plain and simple. Thou shall not kill. Yes, it is given that criminals violated that Commandment, otherwise this debate would not have any basis. But, are law enforcers justified in violating the same, just because another person did? I believe, as the Church does, that executioners are to be put in equal footing with those of the killers they execute. No cloth or veil of authority can ever justify killing.

The separation of Church and State has to be taken in the wider social context, as the Constitution was not made out of mere creative imagination of lawmakers but in paramount consideration of the people and the society. One may just look at history and observe the present situation, and can easily say that in the Philippines, religion is more than a mere affiliation, but the whole way of life. Even so, the Church conceded in the separation. But in matters involving values and the sanctity of human life, the Church has the duty to interfere. Its participation is out of kenosis or complete submission to God’s will as written in the Bible, very unlike that of the government who acts out of power. Religious leaders act out of powerlessness against God’s will. Death penalty is not merely an issue of the State. It affects the human life which the Church is bound to protect. The late Jaime Cardinal Sin once justified the right of the Church to participate in social issues as the “conscience” of the people. Death penalty is provided in our laws, in our human laws. If human laws are to be observed, why can’t the Divine laws be observed as well? Why may not the Church execute God’s command? Are we saying that our obedience to the laws made by the people is on higher ground than the laws written by God? Isn’t it the “separation of Church and State” and not “prevalence of State over the Church?”

In 1995, Pope John Paul II issued an encyclical letter, the Evangelium Vitae, or Gospel of Life. The basic premise of the letter is the promotion of the culture of life, as opposed to the culture of death, the latter being advocated by our worthy opponents.

The real purposes of incarceration, more than retribution, are rehabilitation and restoration of prisoners. How can it be ever possible if the offender would just be killed? As followers of Christ, we believe that lawbreakers must be given the chance to repent, change their lives and atone for their actions. According to Archbishop Fernando Capalla, the bottom line is: a human being does not become a monster or a devil when he commits a crime. His/her inherent goodness is not destroyed by the criminal act. This is the basis for Christianity’s hope in the effective humane rehabilitation and reform or rebirth of a new person with the help of God’s grace.

Our group strongly believes that death penalty will not solve criminality. It will only prolong the chain of evil, hatred and suffering that we all want to end. Justice must not be performed through vengeance and barbarism, but must be taken into a different perspective tendered with love and forgiveness. God is all loving, all forgiving. Why can’t we, the mere creatures of God, be like our Creator?

We should find other ways to deter crimes than to kill the criminal. Instead of imposing death penalty, our government should move to strengthen the five pillars of criminal justice: law enforcement, prosecution, courts, correctional system, and cooperation between citizenry and the law enforcers. Doing so would obviate the need for death penalty. We can always protect our country without staining our hands with blood.

We call for the absolute abolition of death penalty. We cry for the promotion of “restorative justice” and not “retributive justice”. We are on the side of justice that heals, not justice that kills.

Birthday Party...the JOLOGZ way

2007-09-12T09:29:00.004+08:00

Lifted from my friendster blog...

July 26, 2006 is written on my calendar using bold red ink and highlighted with neon yellow, not because I would get to meet Regine Velasquez in person or have a free makeover from Ricky Reyes’ own hands, but because I would be having an advanced celebration of my birthday. It is not unusual to celebrate one’s birthday (of course! Duh?!). In all 22 years of my life, my birthdays were always made special by my family and friends. But this time, it felt different because I would not be the only one celebrating the Big Day. We planned for a triple birthday bash for me and two of my closest friends, Tutuy and Mama Su. This is the very first time JOLOGZ would be experiencing this kind of celebration, which made me very excited… to the 3rd degree!

It started when Tutuy told us that he wanted to have his party at our house. Mama Su and I decided to join…. so we could spend less. Hahaha! But it turned out to be not only a cost-saving scheme, but a “fun-enhancing” idea. (I would not think of it as time-saving because it is never a waste of time to plan for parties with your friends.)

With the help of our friends (special thanks to Tiya Weng), we came up with a menu that cost us a humble amount of 500 bucks each. I remember the years when spending such amount is a huge pain in the ass. But now that we are already professionals… hah! Piece of bubble gum! (yabang!)

Who would want to wake up early on a cold morning for general cleaning? Me! Hehehe… On that red-letter day, we cleaned our apartment unit as if the US President would be coming. Very tiring it was! We sanitized the areas which were left dusty and dirty since forever… but we didn’t mind the achooos!, yucks! and eewws! because we wanted our place to be ready for the party. When it was finally done…. Whew! You should have seen how organized our room was… costing us only 56 bucks each for cleaning materials! (By the way, as of this writing, it already got back to its old messy appearance. Hehehe…)

It’s party time! The event was graced by the most special persons in the world, next to our family….JOLOGZ! We had a simple dinner of spaghetti, pansit malabon and barbeque. We also had pizza from Mama Su and cake from Tutuy. What was my share? Hah! Red wine and brandy, as per Tutuy’s request. FYI: JOLOGZ don’t usually drink… but we thought it’s good to try once.

After dinner, we indulged into the stuff that bonded us in the first place….SINGING! Thanks to my new credit card, I was able to buy a dvd-videoke player so we no longer need to go to ktv bars and splurge our cash just to sing. It was rockin’ fun! We belted a few serious songs, and jammed on lots of funny songs. We danced like disco rats and laughed till our jaws dropped.

Finally, we came to the serious part of the event… open forum. I think this is the secret ingredient of our friendship. We are always in touch with each other’s emotions, and I mean deep emotions. We do not think it’s shameful to reveal secrets which others may find scandalous. We find comfort in sharing our lives with each other… and we take pride in being each other’s confidant. Our sharing is, well… reserved for us and will be kept to ourselves for eternity.

As we were about to sleep, I whispered a short prayer, thanking the Almighty for this wonderful day, and wishing for more moments like this to come. I will never forget this day, for it was when I have proven to myself once again that TROPANG JOLOGZ is still alive no matter how busy we all are… no matter where are paths would lead us.

While You Are Sleeping

2007-09-12T09:26:00.002+08:00

This is a song written out of love...

I wanted to tell you
How I love those eyes that stare at me with love
I wanna let you know
You’re the greatest gift someone like me could have
I melt inside when you smile at me
And when you hold my hand, I know
Forever you will be with me…

But I tremble when I try to speak
And I don’t know how to start
There’s only one way I could tell you
What’s inside my heart

While you are lying beside me tonight
I’ll whisper those words while holding you tight
I’ll be watching over you
While painting your face in my heart
That knows no other love but you
When you wake up tomorrow
I’ll still be with you
I’ll be waiting for another night
And while you’re sleeping
I’ll tell it all to you over again…

I wonder if you
Could hear my voice and see me in your dreams
I hope you could feel my love
As I wrap you in my warm and sweet embrace
I am yours and you are for me
And until the end of time, I know
Together we will always be…

I will love you forever
The best way I know how
There are just things I’d like you to know
And I wanna say them now

So while you are lying beside me tonight
I’ll whisper those words while holding you tight
I’ll be watching over you
While painting your face in my heart
That knows no other love but you
When you wake up tomorrow
I’ll still be with you
I’ll be waiting for another night
And while you’re sleeping
I’ll tell it all to you over again…

Don't Tell Them It's Over

2007-09-12T09:20:00.004+08:00

Once, a friend of mine opened up to me and shared her PATHETIC love story. I cried with her... and my emotions and feeling of sympathy moved me to write this song...

So, you’ll go
Telling me that leaving is the right thing to do
You want me to let go
But that’s one thing I can’t do
Coz in my heart it’s always you

I can’t go on
It’s so hard to understand what went wrong
But if there’s no other way
I can ever make you stay
Then I’ll have to see you walk away

Refrain:
Before you break my heart and go
There’s one thing I’m asking from you….

Chorus:
Please don’t tell them that it’s over
Let’s pretend that we are still together
I never want them to see
The pain inside of me
Honey, it won’t take long
Coz soon you will be back into my arms
Where you belong

If they know a thing
They’d come to see the pain that I am feeling
And when they look into my eyes
I’ll only get to realize
That you’re no longer by my side

Oh, I know
The ones who care for us would be hurting, too
Spare them from the pain
Alone, I’ll cry in the rain
Don’t let them see it’s killing me

Refrain:
They would tell me to let go
But I still find it hard to do, so…

(Chorus)

Bridge:
I still wanna face each day believing
That you are still with me
Let me fool myself and live with lies
Oh please, just let it be
The only way I can live my life
Is to spend it loving you
I never want them all to know
I’m just too weak to let go
I can’t let go…

(Chorus)

Where you belong…
Please don’t tell them that we’re through
Till I can finally let you go…

Move on!

2007-09-12T08:57:00.002+08:00

Written during my review for the CPA board (if my memory serves me right)...

Here I am again, playing with the keys of my computer, trying to think of the right words to define what’s in my mind. I’m staring at the screen, hoping that the answers to all my questions would just come out. But all I see is a blank sheet, waiting for me to put something in it. And inside me is nothing but abstract thoughts...

Minutes went on, and those shattered pieces of my ideas began to form a vivid image of the man I’m trying so hard not to think of, but is insisting to stay in my head. That man is you. So I realized that it isn’t my brain, but my heart, that speaks within me. My mind knows who I should think of, and it’s certainly not you, for reasons we both know. It is my heart that doesn’t welcome any reason. It only feels for you.

That budding feeling inside me has grown into its full blossom. You used to be on my mind in my quiet moments. But now, I think of you in even the noisiest time of the day. I no longer miss you in solitude, for in those moments, I just close my eyes and I’m with you. Taking a glimpse of your smile in your photograph is enough to keep me going whenever I feel like giving up. I finally found the perfect words to define this feeling. What else could this be, but Love?

If this is just a dream, then this is the most wonderful dream I ever had. So please don’t wake me up yet. I’m not yet ready to see beyond this fantasy. You might not be there when I wake up. Spare me this moment to experience how it is to be loved by you. Give me this chance to know you better, to set the dove in my heart free. Perhaps, by going through this dream, I could have the strength to step back to reality, and find the one who’s really meant for me. If it would be you, then nothing could be more wonderful than to live my dream. But if not, memories of you should be enough for me to go on.

Forgive me for not being brave enough to fight for my feelings. I can’t trade my future for this short moment of bliss. I’m still unsure where my real happiness is. If it’s in you, please show me. If you’re the right one, please fight for me, and if you would win, please take care of me. To regret is the last thing I would ever want to do.

I don’t know where tomorrow will lead me. So if this is my last chance, I opt to take it. I’d rather tell you how I feel at this very moment, than be sorry for myself if this chance would not come again.

I LOVE YOU.

I'm Learning My Lesson

2007-09-12T08:47:00.002+08:00

I wrote this when I was in college...

One of Life’s greatest lessons has been delivered to me. It didn’t require me to enroll in any university…no homework, recitations, projects and quizzes. I wish it could be that easy, but I have to learn it the hard way. I am the student, Life is my professor, Love is the subject, and the most effective tool that Life is using for me… is pain. I have to take down my notes on the blank sheets in my heart using the sharpest pen, and every stroke hurts me. Memories, regrets, broken hopes and shattered dreams are all engraved in my heart.

Years ago, I met a boy who brought music into my quiet world. My little universe turned into the brightest galaxy. We knew it was true love, I mean, what else could it be? We started to share each other’s dreams and build castles in the air. But because we were both young and impulsive, a single, petty quarrel ended our fairy tale…

…So I thought.

Our relationship ended, but not our story. We promised to wait for each other until we get ready for a lifetime commitment. But I easily gave up and started searching for my own happiness away from him. I had been trying to look for what I think I deserve, but at the deepest part of my heart, it has always been him. I learned to appreciate, and love, the other guys that came into my life, but everytime I’d step out of a relationship, his company would be my resting place. That could mean nothing but love. He waited for me with such great patience, endured every strand of pain I caused him, embraced me with open arms whenever I’d run into him, and selflessly gave me freedom when another man would take me away from him.

Recently, I decided to finally set my hidden feelings free. He was there, sharing few but precious moments with me. Once again, I got the chance to experience that different kind of happiness that only my One True Love can give. Everything happened so fast, and if action truly speaks louder than words, I would say that we were already having our second chance. He told me that he is already a changed man, that he loved me, and that he wanted me back. I never gave him any direct answer, but I showed him just what it is. I still love him… I have always loved him… and I love him beyond what any word can define.

Just when I thought everything was already in its proper place, the bitter truth was revealed to me. There is already another girl in his life. He got tired of waiting for me. The whole time I thought that he was holding on, he was actually letting go. I felt so helpless; I could do nothing but cry for the death of my dreams. I didn’t get the license to get mad at him. In fact, I understand. I kept him hanging for so long, and it’s perfectly natural for him to give up. It’s just so sad that he had to go for me to realize how much I love him, and what he really means to me.

People tell me to let him go, and just choose someone else who would be willing to do anything for me. I have always been in control, but this time, I’m too powerless. How will I forget him when everytime I try, my mind takes me back to the times when he told me that he loved me with all sincerity? I can only recall our happy memories, for if there are sad ones, I have forgotten about them. I’m holding on, believing that everything he told me was true. He may already belong to someone else, but it doesn’t stop me from hoping that inside of him, it’s still me.

Truly, there are many options available for me, but because I love him, I’m choosing him. Who cares if I’m being stupid? I’m not losing hope that perhaps, it’s just one of the many challenges I need to face before I could spend the rest of my life with him. My world has always been so bright, so maybe I need some darkness to better appreciate the light he is giving me. He had done great sacrifices for me, so why not do the same for him? He had waited for me, and I guess it’s time for me to pay him back.

Every second of waiting kills me, but no matter how painful it is, I still find happiness in every tear that I shed for him. Someday, my tears would create a river going to the ocean where he is…then he would be sailing back to me.

Love entered my life and gave me so much happiness, but because I didn’t handle it with utmost care, it slipped off my grasp and flew away. Now, I’m learning my lesson. When true love comes along, hold it with both hands. Never hesitate to show the person you love how much he means to you. Tomorrow might be too late. Life showed me that time can change everything. There is never an assurance that when a person loved you once, he will be yours forever.

I don’t know if he would still come back to me, but I won’t force myself to forget him when I really can’t. I know that someday, our paths will meet again. The love that he felt for me before is the same love that will bring him back to me. I’ll keep on waiting for as long as I love him. I owe it to him… I owe it to myself.